In spite of the fact that I still own two dresses from the turn of the millennium and my firm belief that yoga pants complete any outfit, I once again will emcee the Douglas County Medical Alliance Fashion Benefit this Thursday at Van Go, 715 N.J.
While my teenage daughters are mortified by this, I am taking my role extremely seriously, studying terminology, praying to St. Versace and faithfully following “Project Runway: Season Dix” (that is 10 en français, the language of fashion). There is nothing more inspiring than taking a photo with Tim Gunn, even if the benevolent Mr. Gunn is unaware that he is in the photo snapped on the sly during his book tour on the Plaza last summer. A shot that, technically, we were both “in.”
After spending many hours researching fall fashion trends for 2012, delving deep into the (web) pages of Harper’s Bazaar, here is what I learned about high-end, cutting-edge fashion:
l Prints are in. What kinds of prints, you ask? Think Grandma’s tapestry curtains and floral blouses. This combination might not appeal to most of us; however, when cut, rearranged and accessorized with a giant fur hat, you have what Harper’s has labeled “granny chic” (from the “Iron Lady” collection, a nod to fashionista Margaret Thatcher) and retails for the price of a family ski trip.
l Next to hit the runway: a collection Harper’s dubbed “The White Stuff.” I still don’t know the difference between “winter white” and “don’t-wear-this-after-Labor-Day white,” but a number of designers do, and, according to those designers, that is all that matters. Outfits ranged from Snow Queen to Hannibal Lector’s straight jacket with prices starting at 12 in-state college credit hours.
l The “Girls’ Guide to Hunting and Fishing” collection surprised me. I had always assumed hunters only wore camouflage (so deer would not see them) and bright orange vests (so their fellow gun-slingers would not shoot them). But this collection featured neither, just a bunch of obviously meat-deprived women in what I assume are day-into-evening-into-duck-blind ensembles, though I do not know how these ladies plan to run through the woods in high-heeled boots.
At this point, a running theme among each of these collections began to emerge. While, again, according to the designers, these models were dressed in clothes for which we should all go broke, every single woman on the runway looked miserable.
They looked bored, tired and, above all, famished. Not one of them looked like she had eaten solid food in years. And zero of them looked happy about it.
Fortunately, the DCMA Fashion Benefit features clothes people actually wear, modeled by people who, like you and me, have that certain je ne se quois … i.e., they know what a Twinkie tastes like.
I hope you can join us for a night of fabulous; yoga pants optional.