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Letters to the Editor

Marriage threats

May 18, 2012

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To the editor:

So now there are 31 states that have banned same-sex marriage. Although I believe the motivation for such activities is discomfort with and hatred of gay and lesbian persons, motivation is usually attributed to the desire to preserve heterosexual marriage, which is apparently under threat from gay and lesbian persons who simply seek to have loving relationships.

Given my experience as a sex and marital therapist, I guess I would have to agree that heterosexual marriage is threatened. Fifty percent of them fail, and the remaining marriages are not all happy relationships. I would suggest a few other options to preserve heterosexual marriage. First, heterosexuals would not be allowed to marry until age 30, thereby increasing the probability that they would be mature enough to succeed in a long-term committed relationship. Second, before heterosexuals could get married they would have to take a monthlong workshop designed to lower the level of betrayal (read infidelity) that is so prevalent. Finally, I would urge legislation to disallow or make divorce virtually impossible, no matter how dysfunctional, unhappy or unfulfilling the marriage, thereby preserving same.

The threat from gays and lesbians are minimal in the face of other issues that appear to compromise heterosexual marriages. Gays and lesbians do not threaten heterosexual marriage, but heterosexuals surely do.

Comments

Lynn731 1 year, 10 months ago

I heard Dr. Daily speak at a singles group at a church in Topeka, many, many years ago. He really knows his stuff, and has helped a lot of people.

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acg 1 year, 10 months ago

Why should gay people have to call their marriage something else? It's a marriage. They are stepping before God, friends, family and the court to say they are entering into a legal binding relationship. They are speaking the same vows that my husband and I spoke. It's a marriage!! If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck....

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grigori 1 year, 11 months ago

Is this turning anyone else on?

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Liberty275 1 year, 11 months ago

You'd think a marriage and sex therapist could work in a little love for polygamy. If he charged by the head, he could make more money and help more people.

Or maybe he just draws his line of bigotry in a different part of the sandbox. Can't have those people doing naughty things you don't like.

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triplegoddess13 1 year, 11 months ago

If this poster is indeed being honest then these three 'options to preserve heterosexual marriage' would be in wonderful alignment with the Catholic church. Just throw in lack of birth control and we can elect a Pope of the United States. If it is indeed sarcasm the letter wasn't written very well to portray that.

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ghamon 1 year, 11 months ago

Right on target tbaker. At last someone on this sight that I can agree with. I have never been able to understand why the gay community, after so much effort to gain acceptance for their lifestyle, now want to associate themslves as part of what the writer believes is a disfuntional institution by using the word "married" Saying that people who oppose gay marriage hate gay people is off the rail. I have worked with gay people over the years and find them to be hard working, detail oriented, on time, and fun to be around. What's not to like about that? Just be willing to accept another word for their union and the problem might just go away.

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Ragingbear 1 year, 11 months ago

This lady is a marital therapist? This letter from her should be forwarded to a review board to see if she should still have a license with this type of trash spewing out of her.

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tbaker 1 year, 11 months ago

The "threat" here is to the conventionally accepted use of a word - marriage.

If the homosexual community would be happy using another word besides "marriage" to describe what would otherwise be the exact same thing under the law, there would be a lot less objection to the practice.

Life is short. Love is hard to find. It that happens to come in the form of a member of the same sex, I say so be it. It's not my preference, but this is a personal choice and isn't anyone else's business. Fighting over the use of a word just causes more opposition to what the homosexuals want to do. They should wise up and pick another word, otherwise instead of getting married, they will fight about the word married.

You supposed to wait until you actually get married before you fight about it.

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nomorebobsplease 1 year, 11 months ago

tomatogrower - Brownback and Phelps? If nothing else they share that fear.

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FalseHopeNoChange 1 year, 11 months ago

This is "sexism" clear and simple. Why should 'society' have to move 'backward' to a time when men were '"sexist" against women. Allowing Homosexuals to chastise Heterosexuals over their marriages "failing"because of infidelity is no different than men blaming women marriage failed because they were not in the kitchen making dinner enough.

as if heterosexuals have 'spotless' fidelity records.

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tomatogrower 1 year, 11 months ago

Brownback has just been hiding in the closet and is afraid he'll have to come out and marry a guy now. That has to be the fear of these haters.

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weiser 1 year, 11 months ago

Gays will get divorced at the same or higher rate. It already is happening in the states that allow it. So let them suffer like the rest of us, who cares?

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Enlightenment 1 year, 11 months ago

Preventing gay marriage is not only an injustice to gays, but also to the credibility of the US as being a free country. Since 2001, 10 countries currently allow same sex marriages, and it does not appear to have negatively impacted their society or disintegrated heterosexual marriages.

As I have asked before, can anyone provide a legitimate reason that is not based on religious/moral beliefs as to why gays should not marry?

To me, preventing gay marriage is just another distraction tactic used by the Republicans to rile up the "god fearing" conservatives that keep the Republicans in office. Similar to the abortion debate, the Republicans try to wave these moral issues in one hand to distract people from seeing what crazy self-serving legislature their other hand signs into law.

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Cait McKnelly 1 year, 11 months ago

I find it so funny that Mitt Romney comes out saying "marriage is 'one man one woman'" when his own grandfather had what? Seven wives? (Hmm wonder which one he came from.) Ever watch "Sister Wives"? Or "Big Love"? I guess it's not infidelity when you have four women to bounce through. By the way, fundamentalist Mormons don't practice polygamy, as such, but polygyny. Polyandry isn't the remotest part of it. The real truth is that almost no one in America practices true monogamy anymore. How many people on this very board can raise their hand and say they are still married to their first spouse? Of those that are still married to their first spouse, how many can say they haven't been unfaithful? That isn't monogamy. Serial monogamy, maybe, but not true "mate for life" monogamy. And the most religious among you are no exception. The dishonesty isn't with our politicians. It's with ourselves.

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mom_of_three 1 year, 11 months ago

what he is saying is what the rest of us have been saying all along. The only THREAT to heterosexual marriage is heterosexuals themselves. Gay marriage did not cause heteromarriage divorce or cheating or unhappy relationships. Gay marriage has nothing to do with the fact that heterosexual marriage is not always the institution that opponents to gay marriage want it to be. It has its flaws and mistakes and always has.

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Mixolydian 1 year, 11 months ago

This person claims 50% of marriages fail and the remaining 50% are not happy marriages? So every heterosexual marriage is a failure, but somehow homosexual marriages are committed and loving? I have to call BS on this guy being a marriage and sex therapist, or at least a competent one.

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grammaddy 1 year, 11 months ago

I wish our government would worry more about what goes on in the "boardrooms" of this country and less about what goes on in our "bedrooms".

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poolside 1 year, 11 months ago

Kookamonga has a point. All citizens would be paying the taxes of a single vs married person and the government would be happy with that!

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Kookamooka 1 year, 11 months ago

Heterosexual marriage is threatened by men who want someone younger and hotter and are happy to leave their wives and families behind. Most marriages end with MALE (not female) Infidelity.

Evangelists have destroyed my faith in God and marriage. They can have their polluted institution of marriage. Maybe the government shouldn't give any benefits at all to married people, not perform civil services and leave all of that commitment stuff to the religious. Level the playing field, so to speak. If LBG community can't have a recognized marriage in the STATE, they NO ONE can.

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tange 1 year, 11 months ago

"... I would suggest a few other options to preserve heterosexual marriage. First, heterosexuals would not be allowed to marry until age 30...."

Well, on the eve of Carousel, I guess that doesn't leave much room for infidelity.

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jonas_opines 1 year, 11 months ago

Srj: Adjust your sarcasm detector.

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Steve Jacob 1 year, 11 months ago

You lost me after the first paragraph. Marriage is a choice, and you can choose to divorce too.

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Richard Heckler 1 year, 11 months ago

Heterosexual marriage is threatened by heterosexual marriage so why marry if a couple is happy being with each other. Sometimes a marriage can spoil a great relationship.

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Richard Heckler 1 year, 11 months ago

Heterosexual marriage is threatened by marriage so why marry if a couple is happy being with each other. Sometimes a marriage can spoil a great relationship.

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