River City Jules: One last rant about Millennials

Two days into 2012 now, it is time to announce our New Year’s resolutions.

Some of you brave people will resolve to give up carbonated beverages, sugars or swearing. Others will actually follow through.

At the risk of sounding like the curmudgeonly old lady I am quickly becoming, I have decided to pursue a path even less traveled. For the rest of the year I will give up venting, as I have been known to do to anyone who will listen — willingly or unwillingly — about the Millennials.

Also called Generation Y or Generation Next, this generation, born roughly between 1982 and 1994, sparked a revolution against the wills of everyone who values grammar, punctuation and all things good.

These youngsters were deprived of little yet still seek much. Growing up believing every act of mediocrity deserves another star on the sticker chart, these kids entered their teen years with no less than 30 participation trophies to their names and a firm belief in not only acknowledging but celebrating last place because everyone deserves a spot in the We’re-All-Winners Circle.

The former Barney-worshippers are the reason the Oscars have been diluted to include 10 Best Picture nominees, none of which will ever be zombie movies, much to their dismay. They are also to blame for low-rise jeans, venti-sized coffee and the 65th team in the NCAA tournament each spring.

And, while I have no concrete proof of any correlation, I find it awfully suspicious that Night Ranger has not had a Top 10 hit since the Millennials were born. But I am certain these kids were responsible for “MMMBop.”

Encouraged by their parents to explore less their talents and more their passions (think William Hung, who might have been better known for his award-winning cobbler had no one enabled his horrific lack of pitch), these unbridled leaders of tomorrow took their collective case of LookAtMe! to screens of all sizes. From hooking up bachelors to keeping up with Kardashians, they have filled all 957 cable channels we receive with the “Jersey Shore.”

Their greatest atrocity unleashed upon our society, however, is their sweeping massacre of the English language, a trend that has trickled down to the generation behind them and polluted my teenagers’ text exchanges.

They’re misuse of apostrophe’s and there over-reliance on spell check, not to mention the weigh they have added an “s” to “anyway” and the sudden over-use of the word “amazing” is enough to make you’re skin crawl no matter where your at. And to think, someday there going to right piece treaties and run are world.

(I have started a sticker chart at home. Gold stars every time a child correctly differentiates “your” from “you’re.”)

But I am resolved to never again roll my eyes at their misadventures, starting right now. For I know we X-ers drove the Boomers nuts with our totally awesomeness, just as they drove the Greatest batty with their grooviness. And so, too, will these kids prove their worth in time.

And they’ll do it in 140 characters or less.