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Archive for Monday, February 13, 2012

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River City Jules: Valentine’s verses

February 13, 2012

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To the 20 or so gentlemen who confess to reading my column and the 10, if not 12, more who are not yet ready to admit to it, this one is for you.

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, your chance to go from zero to hero if you play it out right.

Winning over your sweetheart doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. No need to drop cash on jewelry, flowers or boxes of candy that will land square on our thighs, though all of those things are most welcome. But in reality, we are much simpler than that, we just want to be adored.

Every year when my husband asks me what I’d like for Valentine’s Day, I tell him the only thing I really want is a hand-written note citing all of the wonderful things about me and our love. And every year he asks if there isn’t anything else, maybe a new CD or a small household appliance I’d rather have.

To help you (and him) out, I am sharing my line of Valentine Poems by Jules, sure to melt the hearts of your honeys and make this your most memorable VD ever. (That sounded better in my head.)

An ice-breaker for your new love interest:

Your car is red,

Your front door is blue

I swear I’m not creepy,

I’m just into you.

For the girl you started dating Martin Luther King weekend:

Roses cost money,

Our relationship’s new

Movie’s on me,

But dinner’s on you.

And for the girl who was disappointed you didn’t pop the question last Valentine’s Day (dedicated to my brothers):

Don’t be mad

If I can’t say “I do.”

Remember commitment-phobes

Are people too.

For your wife of one year or less:

Candy and flowers

And my heart so true …

Forever isn’t long enough

To be in love with you.

For the man who gave his wife the exact same Valentine card two years in a row and then photocopied it for the third year (ahem, Dad):

Ditto from last year

And the year before.

After four decades

Do you really need more?

And, finally, for the man who just wants to tell his sweetheart, the mother of his children, the love of his life exactly how much he cares:

You’re an excellent cook

And a good driver, too.

Your butt doesn’t look big

In those jeans. I love you.

I hope these love poems help you in your quest for the perfect expression of sentiment and, whether you receive one or not, that you enjoy a perfect Valentine’s Day.

— Julie Dunlap can be reached at go@ljworld.com.

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