Christmas madness begins earlier every year. The Hallmark Channel has decided to offer an onslaught of jingle bell overkill. It starts tonight — weeks before Thanksgiving!
Hallmark has promised more than 1,300 hours of holiday-themed shows over seven weeks. That hardly seems possible. And that’s enough to make anybody gag on their premature figgy pudding.
The snow globe blitzkrieg kicks off with “Lucky Christmas” (7 p.m.), starring Elizabeth Berkley (“Showgirls”) as a feisty single mom who discovers she’s purchased a winning lottery ticket around the time she learns that her car has been stolen. And guess where she’s stashed the magic stub? Will the guys who inadvertently “borrowed” her station wagon be heels, potential love interests or both? Knock off this way-too-early cup of eggnog and there are only 1,298 hours of Christmas entertainment to go!
• Teri Polo, best known for “Meet the Parents,” stars in the made-for-television thriller “We Have Your Husband” (7 p.m., Lifetime). Life is blissful for American Jayne Valseca (Polo) until kidnappers seize her Mexican husband, Eduardo (Esai Morales, “NYPD Blue”), the son of a prominent newspaper publisher. Based on a true story, the film was co-produced by the real Jayne Valseca.
Tonight’s other highlights
• Republican candidates for president debate (7 p.m., CBS).
• Notre Dame and Maryland meet in college football action (7 p.m., NBC).
• Stanford and Oregon meet in college football action (7 p.m., ABC).
• “Primeval” (8 p.m., BBC America) returns for a new season, with the holes in the fabric of time more touchy than ever.
• Treasure-hunters abandon riches in a desperate effort to escape the “Rage of the Yeti” (8 p.m., Syfy). David Chokachi and Yancy Butler star in this 2011 shocker.
• Scheduled on “48 Hours Mystery” (9 p.m., CBS): A veteran accused of killing his lover may be a victim of combat trauma.
• “Pit Bulls and Parolees” (9 p.m., Animal Planet) returns for a third season.
• Johnny Depp, Ricky Gervais, Carey Mulligan, Ed Byrne and Snow Patrol appear on “The Graham Norton Show” (9 p.m., BBC America).
• Emma Stone returns to host “Saturday Night Live” (101:30 p.m., NBC), featuring Coldplay, appearing as musical guests for the fourth time.
A hapless clerk (W.C. Fields) is mistaken for a hero in the 1940 slapstick classic “The Bank Dick” (7 p.m., TCM). Written by Fields under the alias Mahatma Kane Jeeves.
On back-to-back episodes of “Cops” (Fox): chump change (7 p.m.), disorderly (7:30 p.m.).
Help from an unlikely source on “NCIS” (8 p.m., CBS) ... An Ultimate Fighting bout (8 p.m., Fox).