The Rev. Jeff Barclay, pastor, Christ Community Church, 1100 Kasold Drive:

Like a building, a relationship can only be as strong as its foundation. So I am trying to think of something engaged couples should not know about each other’s faith before marriage. It is unimaginable that an engaged couple would not tell each other about their spiritual underpinnings. Let couples surprise each other with remarkable wedding day gifts, not previously undisclosed ideas about the Bible, sin, the nature of man, salvation, prayer, the church or the person of God.

The prophet Amos asked, “Can two walk together except they be agreed?” Agreeing to disagree may work when discussing the perfect cup of coffee, but that is light years from the lifestyle decisions marriage requires.

A bumper sticker reads, BORN OKAY THE FIRST TIME. A Christian could not say that. A Christian’s bumper sticker might read, I WAS CUTE, BUT I WAS NOT BORN OKAY THE FIRST TIME. Christians believe they are born in need of a savior. This belief can be divisive when one’s partner disagrees. Yet, when a couple is united about their need of a savior, and particularly when they agree that savior is Jesus, I Peter 2:6 describes him as the most precise and precious of relational cornerstones.

The Ecclesiastes 4:12 teaches, “… two can defend themselves. But a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” As a Christian premarital counselor, I always encourage engaged couples to think of themselves and their shared relationship with Jesus Christ as that “cord of three strands not easily broken.”

Couples should know a marriage can be so much more fulfilling when they share the same foundational beliefs. The ship of marriage will face its share of storms. A shared faith will keep it stable and steady — no matter how rough the seas.

— Send e-mail to Jeff Barclay at jeff@1inchrist.org.

The Rev. Paul Taylor, associate pastor, Mustard Seed Church, 700 Wakarusa Drive:

Bringing two separate people together, so that “the two shall become one,” is no easy matter. It is more than a physical and emotional union; it’s very much a spiritual union as well.

The importance of a spiritual union may not be obvious to many, but when it’s absent, it is clearly felt. Being able to share intimately on all three levels, physically, emotionally and spiritually, can bring a couple together with a bond that is almost impossible to break, and marriages today need all the help they can get.

Engaged couples should ask one another a lot of questions about their faith experiences both past and current. Were those experiences positive or negative? Will we practice our faith together, and if so, what does that look like? Are there faith traditions from our individual families that we want to bring forward into our own marriage? When we have children, do we want faith to be an important part of their lives? Talking about your expectations before the wedding is very important and shouldn’t be written off as something that will “work itself out” with time.

I have worked with many couples who made assumptions about how they would share their faith after marriage only to be very disappointed. The disappointment can lead to friction and tension in the marriage for years to come. Most couples I know want to enjoy intimacy with their partner for a lifetime; my own conviction is that being in agreement in all three categories helps to make that possible. Every couple I know goes into marriage with the best of intentions, but they don’t anticipate the enormity of the problems and stress that marriage, children, in-laws, finances and past issues will put on their marriage.

Sharing honestly about your faith or lack thereof before marriage can help the couple make informed decisions and better prepare them for marriage.

— Send e-mail to Paul Taylor at ptaylor@mustardseedchurch.com.