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Archive for Friday, June 4, 2010

Game or sport? Golf gets put to the test

June 4, 2010

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This is a game of misses. The guy who misses the best is going to win.
— Ben Hogan

On the street

Is golf a game or a sport?

Golf is a sport if you get paid to do it; golf is a game if you do it for fun.

More responses

The late Ben Hogan is absolutely correct: Golf is a game.

With the PGA tour in full swing, displaying its embarrassingly awful fashions, its philandering superstar and a bunch of other players I couldn’t pick out of a police lineup, it’s time to address those supporters who believe golf should be considered a sport. Some not only argue it’s a sport, but they believe it’s the greatest sport.

They always defend this point with, “It’s incredibly difficult to play” or, “It takes amazing hand-eye coordination.”

Agreed. Yet doctorate-level calculus is also incredibly difficult to perform, and that doesn’t make it a sport.

Bowling a 300 score also takes amazing hand-eye coordination. Still just a game, though.

So in order to prove this hypothesis, here are seven guidelines that separate a sport from a game. An activity in question needs to pass a majority (that’s four out of seven) to be considered sportsworthy:

  1. No pursuit in which you can be a 50-year-old who is 100 pounds overweight and can still compete with a young professional can be considered a sport. That’s a game. There are old, fat bowlers who can beat you by dozens and bloated, creaky slugs who can run the table on you in pool. But there are no middle-aged, flabby hockey wingers, major league center fielders or NFL cornerbacks who could keep up with even the most average college player in their respective sports. Of all the guidelines, this is the most critical.
  2. Any “sport” in which the crowd must keep quiet in order for the “athlete” to concentrate should bear further scrutiny. Yes, tennis is the exception — but it is already defined as a sport based on the above rule. (Most tennis greats are over the hill before they hit 30.) Watching sports is an excuse to get drunk, be rowdy and yell things at the officials. Trying to curb this with a noise ordinance is ludicrous. Seriously, silence doesn’t seem to be a necessity when making a three-foot putt. Know what’s harder than that? Hitting a 98-mile-an-hour fastball. And a golf ball sitting on a tee can’t leave you with brain damage if you crowd the plate.
  3. In a sport you wear a uniform. In a game you abide by a dress code.
  4. In a sport you have a professional league. Golf has a tour. Essentially, that makes golfers tourists. Conversely, you wouldn’t say the characters on “Gilligan’s Island” went on a three-hour regular season.
  5. In a team sport, you have a teammate. In golf you have an assistant. You may like to refer to him as a “caddy,” but then again, you probably like to call a salesman an “account executive.” Perhaps assistant is too weak a word to describe what a caddy does. How about “lawn butler”?
  6. You can’t do business during a sport. Try solidifying a contract while going a round in the boxing ring. Or make an attempt at conducting stock transactions while running a slant pattern on the gridiron. Can’t be done. But think of all the mergers negotiated with an opponent between putts.
  7. Interaction is a key factor in sports. You hit the ball, and your competitor tries to hit it back. Or you take a shot on goal, and your opponent tries to block it. In golf, there could be 200 people playing against you or 10 or none. It doesn’t in any way impact what you do, whether you slice it into the rough or sink it in the hole. You are really just competing against yourself. It’s no different than a late-night marathon spent playing video games on the couch.

OK, I’ll fully disclose that I’ve never actually played a full round of golf. Sure, I’ve hit balls at a driving range, which was about half as fun as tackling a fast-pitch machine at the batting cages. I’ve also spent a few hundred hours at miniature golf courses over the years. Always a fun game.

I’m not totally opposed to trying golf. I’ve just mildly avoided it based on principle. I’m reminded of what George Carlin said: “It’s an elitist, arrogant ... boring game for boring people. You ever watch golf on television? It’s like watching flies (mate).”

Now if, say, Bill Self called me up and invited me to shoot a few rounds, I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t accept. (Lew Perkins, not so much.)

I’d certainly be more inclined to do that than attend a bullfight or a NASCAR race.

And, incidentally, NASCAR isn’t a sport, either.

Comments

3 years, 10 months ago

How about an article on the Olympic sport of 'Synchronized Swimming' now that would make really interesting reading.

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independant1 3 years, 10 months ago

golf = sport/religion fusion

it's a secular cult

Golf is the only game in the world where it takes longer to explain than it does to play. (Will Rogers)

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Bob Kraxner 3 years, 10 months ago

George Carlin said "Watching golf on TV is like watching flys fvck"... meaning you can't tell that anythings happening. Definately just a game, like all other stick and ball games. Sports?, how about Motorsports? Why ? because games only require one ball.

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Kawatchi 3 years, 10 months ago

Tennis doesn't pass muster here.

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just_another_bozo_on_this_bus 3 years, 10 months ago

Disc golf, now that's a sport. Ball golf, not so much, especially if you use a motorized cart.

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mobsceneity 3 years, 10 months ago

I feel like sport and game are only definable by our own definitions. Sport to one may be game to another. We all have different ideas as to what makes an activity a sport as opposed to a game. I believe that golf can certainly be classified as a sport, but that is my opinion. I do not agree with any of the points made in this article as to why golf is not a sport.

In the end, the debate will always be open as to whether or not golf (or any other activity, for that matter) is a sport, but this article absolutely did nothing to make me question golfs legitimacy as a sport.

Poorly written article

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mdrndgtl 3 years, 10 months ago

Horrible point, worse article.

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Mari Aubuchon 3 years, 10 months ago

Easy: If you can drink and smoke while playing, it is a game. If not, it is a sport.

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alm77 3 years, 10 months ago

"OK, I’ll fully disclose that I’ve never actually played a full round of golf." Nuff said.

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clovis_sangrail 3 years, 10 months ago

If you can drink beer, smoke and eat while you are doing it, it is definitely not a sport.

Baseball, football, basketball, and hockey are sports.

Softball, on the other hand, is a sport only if it is being played by women slinging underhand fastballs that can take your leg off at the knee. But if Bucky from IT is standing in right field with a cigarette, a longneck and a chicken leg, it's a game, and only barely a game, at that.

Jai alai is definitely a sport, but curling, not so much.

And golf. Well, not only can you drink and smoke and eat greasy hoagy sandwiches while you are playing, you drive around in a little car and can hire a lacky to handle the strenuous parts for you. Definitely not a sport, and really not even a game, golf is more just an expensive way to masturbate.

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mr_right_wing 3 years, 10 months ago

"Game or sport?"

Neither; BORE!

Just one man's opinion.

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George_Braziller 3 years, 10 months ago

Lets see. They're called basket ball games, football games, volleyball games. Hmmmmmm. I'd call them all games.

People who like to beat the crap out of inflated leather spheres. Snore. I'd rather watch paint dry.

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autie 3 years, 10 months ago

games are sports sports are games

It is like saying the sky is blue. No the sky is azure. Or is it a bluish azure? Could be a azury blue. And I do know that some of the things this fat over fifty guy does is indeed sports because I wear Sports Sandels doing them...ergo it is sport.

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barrypenders 3 years, 10 months ago

Poser 'Drinks' heavily, 'Smokes' deeply, Oks BP to drill for oil in mile deep water without inspecting the plan and plays golf.

Stimulus, PADs Life, and Posercare live unprecedented

Darwin bless us all

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BABBOY 3 years, 10 months ago

Worst analysis I ever read.

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KawHawk 3 years, 10 months ago

Home run, Niccum. You hit it right on the nail.

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linksmonger 3 years, 10 months ago

First, talk about bad fashion. This guy is wearing a button down shirt and he is supposed to be playing golf? Second, old fat men play softball. Is softball not a sport? For that matter, old fat men play basketball too, not just very well. The same is true with golf.
P.S. The guy in the picture needs to get a haircut from someone else than himself.

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Ken Lassman 3 years, 10 months ago

Talk about a non-issue. Reading this is like watching golf on TV....

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Ken Lassman 3 years, 10 months ago

Talk about a non-issue. Reading this is like watching golf on TV....

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