Anti-hero Mark McGwire took a long, hard swing Monday at redemption and connected with nothing but air, hot, empty air rising from his non-apology “apology.”

Peel back the onion and plug your nose because it reeks. McGwire said he was sorry but in doing so wanted to make sure we all know steroids didn’t help him hit more home runs. He took them for “health purposes.” Hear that, children? Hope not.

Oh well, at least McGwire doesn’t think we’re all as dumb as he used to think we were, when, as a player, he angrily and condescendingly debunked any notion he juiced. But he’s not exactly bestowing Mensa Club memberships upon us, either.

Proving himself more an apologist for himself than an apologizer, McGwire dusted off the most tired, muscle-headed argument of all.

“There’s no way a pill or an injection will give you hand-eye coordination or the ability or the great mind that I’ve had as a baseball player,” he told the Associated Press. “I was always the last one to leave. I was always hitting by myself. I took care of myself.”

Gee, you mean you have to have steroids and talent, not just steroids? Who knew?

Can we all, except for Captain Denial, just move past the issue of whether steroids enhance performance? They do. Period. They make athletes stronger, faster and more susceptible to physical and emotional scars. As with all deals with the devil, it’s all about short-term gain and long-term pain.

After saying all the wrong things to the AP while trying to repair his reputation as a liar and a cheat, McGwire made a chat with Bob Costas on the MLB Network the next stop on his redemption tour. Again, McGwire whiffed.

Costas loves baseball, especially the St. Louis Cardinals, but when he’s on the job, he’s always a journalist first. It didn’t take anything but a straight fastball from Costas to make McGwire tie himself in knots.

Costas: “Do you think that you would have hit nearly 600 home runs, that you would have hit 70 homers one year and 65 another year, and topped 50 four times if you had not touched anything stronger than a protein shake?”

McGwire: “Absolutely. I truly believe so. I believe I was given this gift. The only reason I took steroids was for my health purposes. I did not take steroids to get any gain for any strength purposes.”

Yes, and politicians have affairs because they have found their soul mates, not because the sex is incredible.

Anyway, Cardinals fans will go back to adoring McGwire, who is about to take a job on manager Tony La Russa’s coaching staff.

Yet, the road to Cooperstown will remain closed to McGwire, whose power numbers were inflated by the same banned substance that puffed up his muscles.