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Archive for Monday, August 23, 2010

More women start families with artificial insemination

August 23, 2010

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Resources

Author Mikki Morrissette’s website for single women considering or living as choice moms. Includes newsletter, discussion group and workshops: Choicemoms.org.

Single Moms by Choice: Psychotherapist Jane Mattes started SMC in 1981 after an accidental pregnancy: Singlemothersbychoice.com.

National Organization for Single Mothers: A nonprofit that conducts research, provides parenting information, and publishes a book and award-winning quarterly: Singlemothers.org.

Yiskah Rosenfeld never had baby fever. She didn’t long for a child or hear her biological clock ticking in the giggles of other women’s newborns.

Yet, by 42, Rosenfeld, single with a full and happy life, decided it was time. If she didn’t at least try to conceive, she’d regret it for years to come.

“I realized that for me part of what it is to be human is to be a parent,” says Rosenfeld, an Albany, N.Y., poet and educator who is pregnant from artificial insemination through an anonymous donor. She is due this month. “I bought into the myth that you only have a child if you have a partner. It took a while to overcome that fantasy.”

Rosenfeld accepted that Mr. Right may not show up in time. And since adoption can be a long, challenging process with no guarantees, particularly for single parents, it is estimated that 50,000 women a year start families on their own, according to Mikki Morrissette, founder of the Minnesota-based online forum Choice Moms. It is an estimate, because the fertility industry is not required to report on these statistics.

Many single women use known or anonymous donors through sperm banks such as California Cryobank in Los Angeles, the nation’s largest. Scott Brown, the bank’s director of communications, estimates that within 20 years, single heterosexual women will represent more than half of its clientele. Brown says about 10,000-12,000 single women a year visit a sperm bank. Those numbers are reflected in two films this year, last April’s “The Back-up Plan” and “The Switch,” which opened Friday.

The trend has roots in the 1970s feminist movement, which opened doors to better, higher paying jobs for women and the means to support a family, says Jane Mattes, a New York psychotherapist who founded the support group Single Mothers by Choice in 1981. It is the first and oldest organization of its kind.

“Besides the economic aspect, it was also the message that women were competent individuals and could support a family,” says Mattes, a single mom who had her son in 1980.

Sperm banks proliferated in part as an outgrowth of the feminist movement, Mattes explains, and by the early 1980s, many were open for business. Those like Berkeley’s Sperm Bank of California, which originated in Oakland, made it their mission to provide services to women who could not receive them elsewhere because of discrimination based on marital status or sexual orientation, says Executive Director Alice Ruby.

Before that, doctors would perform artificial inseminations on single women in secret.

“The biggest challenge was not in finding sperm but that physicians were somewhat slow on being willing to inseminate single women and lesbian couples,” Brown says. “That remains an issue today. I get calls from women in certain parts of the country, like the South, who cannot find physicians willing to help.”

Whether they use sperm donors or become pregnant by chance, these single mothers still face raised eyebrows and other obstacles, including infertility and lack of resources in a prenatal health care system geared toward couples. Even arriving at this decision — grieving “happily ever after” — can be a long, emotional journey, says Collin B. Smikle, medical director of Laurel Fertility Care in San Francisco.

“The first fallacy is that they have control in this matter,” Smikle says. “Typically these are career track women who postponed marriage and pregnancy hoping that Mr. Right will show up, and he doesn’t. Because they were successful in building a career, it’s hard for them to accept that no matter what they do, the biological clock doesn’t stop.”

Fertility declines with age, but not all women older than 40 have trouble conceiving. Rosenfeld got pregnant with ease at 43. Another myth is that all “choice moms” are older than 35. But, there are women as young as 25 who “already know this is what they want,” Morrissette says.

“This generation has had a lot of independence, and having a lifetime partner is not necessarily a must for them,” says Morrissette, author of “Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman’s Guide” (Be-Mondo; 2006). “Perhaps they’ve come up through a single parent household. Or they don’t want to compromise when choosing a partner.”

Comments

HedleyLamarrr 3 years, 8 months ago

Maybe there is a reason that you can't find Mr. Right.

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deec 3 years, 8 months ago

Better to wait for Mr. Right than marry and procreate with Mr. Wrong.

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Practicality 3 years, 8 months ago

There are a pleothera of those in Lawrence bearded.

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bearded_gnome 3 years, 8 months ago

Because "Mr. Right" in the eyes of these feminists is typically an emasculated man. so, duh, it's hard for them to find "Mr. Right."

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mr_right_wing 3 years, 8 months ago

Sure beats adoption.

Maybe we should take a lesson from animal shelters; give a kid a year, if they can't be adopted preform a post-birth abortion.

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denak 3 years, 8 months ago

As someone who has been trying to adopt for a few years, the desire to be a parent is a very primal...and yes selfish...desire but that desire isn't necessarily negative. Telling an individual that they are selfish for wanting a child is just total b.s. It is not wrong to want to be a parent and to love a child. Just because that child is going to be raised in an environment that you feel is not ideal, doesn't mean it isn't ideal.

In an perfect world, all children would have two functional loving parents. However, a child can grow up just as healthy and just as whole in a one parent family provided that one parent is just as functional and loving.

More and more studies are coming out that show a child who goes to day care is not necessarily scarred for life or a child who is raised in a one parent family isn't necessarily going to grow up to be a criminal. It depends a great deal on a variety of factors. Many of these women can offer a child a good home environment because they are financially stable and emotionally mature.

Rather than beating up on these women, we should acknowledge that, for them, motherhood was something entered into after much thought and consideration - a fact that will probably bode well for their future children.

Dena

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deec 3 years, 8 months ago

What's best for the child in all too many cases IS being raised by one parent. If a marriage is bad, say, or the pregnancy results from a one-night stand.

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zbarf 3 years, 8 months ago

me me me. My choice. i don't care what is best for the child. my choice

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Kirk Larson 3 years, 8 months ago

This comes down to one simple thing: conception, contraception, abortion - it's the woman's choice, plain and simple. That's the American way.

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toe 3 years, 8 months ago

Factory children. A reasonable expectation of the industrial era.

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Snodgrass 3 years, 8 months ago

"More children have no place to call home: Homeless students a widespread concern

Valerie Miller-Coleman is executive director for Family Promise of Lawrence interfaith hospitality network. Miller-Coleman says there are currently five homeless students in the Family Promise program."

China has a plan. Limit couples to one male. Available females, with millions more males around there are not many, do not get freebies.

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Ron Holzwarth 3 years, 8 months ago

I've read that quite often, the children conceived through artificial insemination sometimes find themselves lacking a sense of self identity when they grow older. This is also true of some adopted children.

So, a child that was either adopted or conceived through artificial insemination will quite often want to find out at least something about his/her biological parents later in life, in order to find a sense of self identity. With an anonymous sperm donor, or an anonymous adoption, the child is denied the possibility of doing that.

It is unfortunate that many of the laws that regulate the present practice don't take into account what might be in the child's best interests later in life. The child does not have any say in what could easily be of profound importance to them later.

Therefore, I don't believe the present practice of allowing permanent anonymity in adoptions or artificial insemination should be allowed.

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