Samantha: Texting. It’s fast. It’s easy. It’s fun. Even my parents have turned into texting pros. But when it comes to having serious conversations, texting is about as useful as a lawn gnome and can be twice as ugly. If you need to connect with someone you care about, the only good use of texting is to arrange a time to get together in person.

Tone of voice cannot be conveyed in a text message. It’s too easy to interpret your words as rude or hostile. This can easily escalate into fights as each of the texters tries to think of clever and, eventually, vicious comebacks. Emoticons can help set the mood of a text and “jk” (joking) can indicate that your comments aren’t meant to be understood as serious, but don’t assume they automatically make your intentions clear. You may still offend the other person. There’s just no substitute for the tone and facial expressions of a living, breathing human.

Response time is equally unreliable. It’s impossible to know if the person you’re texting hasn’t responded because she doesn’t want to, was offended, or is just plain busy. Was your message somehow lost or slowed-down in the air between your phone and hers? As time passes, the uncertainty and worry mounts. It’s easy to go crazy waiting for a response to a text. If the topic you wanted to discuss was so important that it now has you panicked, you should have just discussed it in person.

One advantage of texting is that you have time to think about your response. However, because of this, people take texts more seriously. On more than one occasion, even after carefully thinking through what I wanted to say, I ended up regretting a text an hour (or even a second) after I sent it. A text makes a concrete, visual, potentially permanent statement. Anyone can show your friends every word of your serious conversation or argument, and they may never be shown the context in which you made what sounds like a mean or insensitive comment.

I’m just as guilty as the next person when it comes to trying to have important conversations via text. But I’m tired of having text regret. Next time, instead of wishing I’d never sent a text, I’ll try to pick up the phone or go meet the person face to face.

Wes: Samantha’s words are true — and printed right here in the Tuesday Pulse section for everyone to see. Are you so brave? Would you want to have your thoughts published and then reprinted worldwide on websites everywhere, right there with your name? Sam and I aren’t the only ones capable of such fame. All you have to do is hit “send,” and your message can be a matter of public record, too. Forever.

Maybe you’ve never thought of it that way before, but that’s what you do every time you key a message. If it goes up on your phone or Facebook or any other electronic media, you’ve authored your very own opinion column. Throw in a juicy fight with your boyfriend, a couple of sexy pictures (read: child pornography), and you may reach a wide audience you never knew was interested in your work.

Like Sam, I do text a lot, and the kids and parents I work with appreciate that access. I like it because I can choose when to respond and it leaves a record of our discussions. But the minute things get serious or emotional, I hit “call back.” There’s no substitute for a voice and, better yet, a face. Still, I see kids starting relationships, living them out and then ending them all by text messaging. Sure, that’s a great way for shy persons to get up and do what needs to be done, and it does offer a chance to think things through — if you use it. But Sam is right on target when worrying how easily these online discussions get botched up. I’ve literally spent entire sessions trying to help teenagers figure out how to undo relationship problems they’ve created using text message misunderstandings, mistakes and miscues.

But wait. Before parents rush out and shut down the unlimited free texting, I’d suggest we try to learn to use these devices, not avoid them. Texting is here to stay. Hopefully not quite the way we’re seeing it now, but it is a vital part of teen culture, and its virtues do outweigh its evils. Like every other technology that grows too quickly for our good sense to keep up, we need to start on the first day it appears in our homes, and have some serious discussion of how to use it to enhance rather than ruin young lives.

Set standards for when and how to use texting. Some are obvious: Not in the car. Not after 10 p.m. No sext messages and ABSOLUTELY no hot pics. Others are subtler, like not fighting with friends, no threats and no bullying others. Bottom line: Think everything through before you write it down. Most good things have a dark side. Lets try and keep the lights turned on with this one.

Next week: Brother is more distant.

— Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. Samantha Schwartz is a senior at Lawrence High School. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about adolescent issues (limited to 200 words) to doubletake@ljworld.com. All correspondence is strictly confidential.