Editor’s note: Julie Dunlap, Lawrence, will begin writing “River City Jules” weekly for Go!

WARNING: Do not read this column if you are looking for information on how to crochet matching sweaters for your children, keep house plants alive, balance a checkbook or teach your toddler a foreign language.

You will not find the answer to the following questions by reading this column: Which laundry detergent leaves clothes smelling freshest? What is the best way to winterize my outdoor herb garden? In which grocery aisle would one find a demi-glaze? Or where did I put my car keys?

If you are looking for help with: your pets, plants or politics; car parts, computer parts or body parts; practicing tai chi, simplifying your life or applying self-tanner; understanding BCS rankings, analyzing the stock market or (apparently) anything related to seventh-grade algebra (I just discovered), you will be better served by asking Jeeves.

After 15 years of marriage, four children, too many (dead) fish to count, and one (living) labradoodle, I do not have the answers to all of life’s questions. However …

I am qualified to instruct you on how to pull together a Halloween party for a classroom of second-graders with a 30-minute notice, tune out the fight that is bound to break out in the “way” backseat somewhere between Goodland and Limon, and fix your son’s glasses (again) with a safety pin, wire cutters and needle-nosed pliers.

I can tell you that cutting your pre-teen daughter’s bangs yourself is a terrible idea, “cream of tartar” and “tartar sauce” are not the same thing, the push-up tankini was not meant to be worn while body-surfing, the law is abundantly clear about the use of shock collars on children, it only takes three chocolate martinis to make bidding on a dog at an auction sound like a good idea, and the amount of rain that will fall upon your freshly tilled lawn is in direct proportion to how recently you bathed said dog.

And if you are looking for help navigating your way through Target, quoting Ferris Bueller, (allegedly) stalking George Brett or doing anything at all related to Facebook, then I am your girl. So in spite of the fact that I can sing every word to every John Denver song yet I cannot name more than eight (OK, five) world capitals; and I do know who won “Project Runway,” yet I do not know how to use the laptop I’m typing on; but I am well-aware that I just ended that last bit with a preposition… I really hope you’ll join me for a spin every Monday here in Go!

Because to me, the journey is not about the finish line, but, rather, how you laugh your way through the rat race. After all, you are far more likable when you smile.