Double Take: Don’t pry about friends’ grades

Samantha: Teachers use a wide variety of threats to make their students be quiet, but nothing is as effective as the tense silence they create when they are about to hand tests back. However, the moment a teacher hands out the first student’s test, the silence evaporates and the whispering starts.

I can usually guess how others did on a test by their facial expressions. A quick glance, then the corners of the mouth turning upward slyly — good news. Furrowed eyebrows, eyes scanning the same thing over and over — bad news.

But should you take it further? Should you ask your peers how they did? To some, this is akin to a full body scan. For others, questions about grades are a habit. My rule is: Don’t ask. But for me, this is less like a commandment from God and more like an English-language spelling rule, such as “I before E except after C.” There are always times when that rule doesn’t apply. Here are my exceptions:

  1. Everyone did terribly. If everyone in your class is talking about how hard a test was and you agree, feel free to share your thoughts. Weirdly enough, hard tests often become good class bonding moments.
  2. You are still confused about some of the test questions. Finding someone who got an “A” will help you figure out whom to ask for help. Use your best judgment here; if you paid any attention in class, you can probably predict who would be comfortable sharing her grade and who is likely to have done well on the test.
  3. You tutored or studied with someone else. If you prepared for the test with her, it’s fine to want to know how she did. It may help you realize whether studying together is an effective strategy.
  4. The other person shared his/her score without prompting. At this point, it’s your choice whether to disclose your score. It’s perfectly appropriate not to share; it will let the other person know that you are not into sharing grades, and he or she will probably stop sharing after a while if you have not reciprocated.

Otherwise, there are few times when it’s a good idea to share grades. Comparing yourself to others is unhealthy. If you did your best and the test shows it, you don’t need to know everyone else’s scores to validate the greatness of your own. If your test results are undesirable, it’s better to discuss the score with your teacher than to brood over your score in comparison to others. A score is just a number; how you behave in this kind of situation is a reflection upon you.

Wes: Toward the end of graduate school, a teacher who was really big on writing warned the class he would never give anything higher than a “C” on first drafts of our major research paper. The day he handed back those drafts, he paused at my desk and shared with the other 60 people in attendance that my paper was the rare exception — publishable without revision. I liked the big A and his kind words. He certainly meant no harm. But I could almost hear my colleagues — those folks you depend on like family in graduate school — groaning and gnashing their teeth. And it was not a pleasant sound. Moral of the story: When grades are shared, you lose if you win and you lose if you lose. Good or bad, they’re only your business.

Once you’re out of high school and in the workforce, trade school or college, nobody — and I mean nobody — is ever going to care what your grades were in high school. After you get your first job, the same is true for college. Nobody comes to my office and asks me why I got a “C” in biological psychology. Unfortunately, as a society we’ve begun to treat grades as if they mean something more than their original intent: feedback on how you’re doing in a class; a suggestion on how to do better. That’s it. Nothing else to show off or hide from. I’d much rather see young people bragging about a terrific effort and getting a “C” than kicking back and cruising to an “A.” Yes, I realize the college-bound need a good GPA, but there’s more to college application than that, and the research on going to “the right school” shows it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

That said, there’s one more very good reason to keep track of how everyone else is doing. Without digressing too far into psychometrics and statistics, that reason is called norm referencing — comparing a score to the group as a whole. Beyond the bonding moment Sam mentions, knowing how you did in comparison to others is often more important than your raw score. It’s also important in evaluating teaching and testing in a class. If, say, 90 percent of the students get a “C” or below on a test, then something is wrong with either the instruction or the testing instruments. By the way, the reverse is true also. Too many “As” and something just isn’t right. Students are also consumers. They have a right to expect a normal distribution of scores across the semester so the teaching and material are a good fit for them. Conversely, if the student is one of a handful getting “Ds,” then he or she needs to step up the effort or reconsider if this is really the right class. The only way to test this is to know where you fit into the curve. And unless grades are anonymously posted — which is really pretty helpful — that requires some discussion with classmates.

All this good advice may end up being purely academic — no pun intended. People are naturally curious about their performance in anything they do, well beyond any rational need to know. And unfortunately for the time being grades remain one of the major ways we determine our self-worth in adolescence and young adulthood.

Next week: Getting in and out of relationships. What if nobody will step up and ask?