Addiction. It may conjure up images of drugs, alcohol, or gambling.

But author Brenda Schaeffer says many of us are addicted to love, and that addiction can wreak havoc on our lives. In a new edition of her book “Is It Addiction or Is It Love?” Schaeffer explores the dangers of love addiction and how to recognize the symptoms in your own relationships.

Q: First off, what is love addiction, and how is it different from other addictions like drugs or alcohol?

A: Love addiction is a reliance on someone or something external to the self in an attempt to get unmet needs fulfilled, avoid fear or emotional pain, re-enact trauma, solve problems and maintain balance. Love addiction is a process addiction in that we use something or someone outside of self to stimulate certain brain chemicals in us and then become dependent on those chemicals physically as well as psychologically. In alcohol and drugs addiction we take in these same chemicals and we then become dependent on them physically and psychologically. It’s a “turn on” versus a “take in.”

Q: So how do you know if you’re a love addict? What are the signs?

A: Needing others to feel complete, separation anxiety, fear of abandonment, staying in abusive relationships out of fear, attempts to change others to be what you want or think you need or looking to others for affirmation and worth. If romance is a part of the addiction then obsessing about the other, mood swings, intense jealousy and possessiveness are some signs. If sex is involved, then a use of sex to fix, escape or cope, and using others to get a sexual high are clues, too.

Q: What are the dangers of being addicted to love?

A: In love addiction we are actually giving away aspects of self to stay in a relationship with a person, or to get romantic highs or sex. Eventually, though, there will be a crash, a depression, low esteem, illness, divorce, etc. To stay in addictive love, we are actually blocking our life energy and we begin to die emotionally, mentally, spiritually and even physically.

Q: If you are addicted to love, what can you do to end it?

A: First, be honest with yourself. Admit that love addiction plays a role in your life. Then, explore the extent of the addiction and make a decision about how you use your personal power to get out of the situation.