For the couple on a tight budget, duo planning a brief engagement or twosome hoping for an eco-friendly event, the Internet can be an instrumental tool. It can save money, time and paper.

But even in today’s highly digital age, when nearly anything can be done online, tradition has some pull. Etiquette dictates the Internet is not suitable for all aspects of wedding planning.

Author Anna Post, spokeswoman for the Emily Post Institute, and Linda Kevich, creator and editor of the Web site SuperWeddings.com, regularly share their etiquette advice with those who want to incorporate the Internet into their wedding planning.

Save-the-dates

Save the date cards are typically mailed three to five months prior to a wedding. They serve as reminders or give advance notice that you are going to get married, allowing guests ample time to clear their schedules and make travel arrangements.

“It’s perfectly acceptable to send save-the-dates via e-mail,” Kevich says. “Save-the-dates are an informal concept to begin with — they are a way of informally letting people know that a formal invitation will be forthcoming — so e-mail is fine for communicating this type of informal message. In social situations, e-mail is used for casual communications, whereas mail is used for more formal social communications.”

Wedding invitations

Kevich and Post both say etiquette dictates wedding invitations should be sent via traditional mail. E-mail invitations are not inappropriate for the formality of the event, Kevich says.

“A formal printed invitation which arrives by mail still conveys this message ‘something very important is happening,’ and this is the impression most couples want to impart to their guests when the invitation arrives,” Kevich says. “If you were invited to a dinner or reception with the president at the White House, you wouldn’t receive the invitation by e-mail — even in this high-tech age. Likewise, if you were invited to attend the Academy Awards, that invitation would not be delivered via e-mail either. The invitation would be formally printed on paper and physically delivered to you in order to highlight the special nature and importance of the invitation.

“Anything else would downgrade the importance of the occasion. It’s the same when issuing an invitation to a wedding, unless it is the most casual of gatherings. A printed invitation, which arrives by mail, still conveys to guests that this is a particularly special event.”

Post says there is a simple answer when it comes to e-mail and wedding invitations.

“The simple answer for (e-mailing) wedding invitations is a no,” she says. “Weddings are a big day in your life. A computer screen cannot convey that to your guests. Guests look to you for guidance; even for the most casual weddings, paper invitations need to be sent through the mail.”

Social networking sites and weddings

With the increasing popularity of such social networking sites as Facebook and MySpace, the tendency to announce pending nuptials online seems to be growing. According to the experts, sending invitations in this fashion is unacceptable.

“Guests look for you to guide them through the process,” Post says. “If you treat it like any other Friday night party, inviting people on Facebook, then they’re going to treat it the same way. That isn’t how most people want their wedding to be treated.”

Kevich says sending invitations via social networking sites is highly nontraditional.

“At best, it would only be appropriate if the wedding is very casual or nontraditional, but never for a formal, semi-formal or traditional wedding,” she says. “For anyone concerned at all with tradition, formality or protocol with regards to their wedding, this wouldn’t be an appropriate approach.”

Benefits of technology

While e-mail and social networking sites may not be appropriate for sending wedding invitations, Kevich says the Internet definitely has a place in wedding planning.

“During the planning process, e-mail communication with vendors and service providers is not only convenient, it provides a written record of everything that has been discussed, so there can be no misunderstandings as can occur in a verbal telephone discussion,” Kevich says. “If there is a misunderstanding, having that written record in the form of an e-mail can provide you with recourse. The Internet also makes it easy and convenient for couples to shop for wedding-related vendors and merchandise and to gather information and ideas. And it makes information sharing easy — you can e-mail your mom and fiancé and direct them to a Web site with a photo of the cake you like in order to get their opinions.”

Kevich sums it up this way: “There is definitely a place for technology in wedding planning today, but you want to ensure you use technology only when it is appropriate. You don’t want it to have the effect of watering down the very traditions and rituals that serve to highlight the extra special and highly important nature of your wedding.”