Archive for Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Mother doubts teen daughter’s reasons to start taking birth control pills

June 9, 2009

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Dear Dr. Wes & Kelly: My 15-year-old daughter has had problems with regular periods for some time. It’s not bad, but just inconvenient. For several months, she’s been bugging me to put her on birth control pills because “all her friends are on them for their periods.” I think she is deceiving me about this and that she is really wanting to be sexually active. I don’t want to condone that by putting her on birth control. Do you think it’s worth the risk?

Wes: Actually, I think you’re misunderstanding the risk here. It’s not that your daughter may want to have sex. The risk is that she is having sex and you may soon be a grandparent if you don’t pay heed to her request. As I said some time back in this column, we need to end the debate about whether teenagers should be sexually active. They shouldn’t. But they are and have been for a lot longer than any of us have been alive. This leaves us to deal with the consequences of that situation. You are certainly free to try and interdict her sexual behavior, but the level of control and manipulation that requires is likely to create blowback in your family for years to come.

It’s unfortunate that you and your daughter have such limited communication about these matters that you feel she might be deceiving you in order to protect herself from unwanted pregnancy. Now would be a great time to get that communication opened up and help guide her in a safer and healthier direction. First of all, let’s take a step back and try thinking differently about this for a moment. It’s entirely possible that your daughter just wants to regulate her periods. However, I’ll admit I’ve heard that one in the privacy of my office many times, and often that stated reason is not the underlying reason.

So what does that mean for you? In a worst-case scenario, your daughter is trying to meet a critical need to prevent unwanted pregnancy while attempting to make you feel comfortable and secure in your perception of her. You can take that as deceptive, or you can take it as a mature attempt to protect you from disappointment and her from shame. It is certainly an imperfect solution, but that shortcoming is inherent to the problem of communication.

If you approach it from this angle, you then become free to really guide your daughter. For example, you can say to her, “I really appreciate that you’re taking the initiative here on your sexual health. However, if you’re going to be on birth control for any reason, I also want you to be fully aware of other issues like STDs, the emotional stakes involved in deciding to have sex, etc.”

In response, she groans, rolls her eyes and says, “God mom, it’s just for my periods!” And you calmly say, “I know that, but once you are on birth control you become freer to consider sex someday, and I won’t probably won’t get another chance to have this conversation with you. So the price of being on birth control is getting the full learning experience about your sexual health.” She may be upset with you about this, but in the end, she’ll think you are a really wise mom, and she’ll appreciate how seriously you take her.

Kelly: The risk. Whether you come to terms with your child being sexually active or not, the inevitable will happen. Of course, no parent wants to grapple with their 15-year-old child having sex, let alone unprotected sex. But the choices we make now will ultimately shape our choices for the future.

You knew this day would come sooner or later, but you were probably hoping for later. As Wes notes, the trend among her friends and a great majority of teens is to become sexually active at younger ages. None of this will change if you do or don’t put her on birth control. But as a mother, it’s part of your responsibility to prepare your child for sex-related issues, including the good, the bad and the ugly.

Your daughter probably already finds it embarrassing enough to talk to you about birth control. But through all the embarrassment, in the end it’s necessary. You say your daughter’s reasons to be put on birth control maybe deceiving. This shows that the problem is slightly deeper, involving trust issues between both of you. This is the perfect time for you to open the discussion. Explain to her why you feel it is unnecessary for her to be on birth control but be sure to hear and understand where she is coming from. The teenage years are awkward enough, and it’s important to know when to play the parent or friend role.

Once the line of communication is opened, you will notice some of the tension disappear. If you do choose to provide her with birth control, tell her that you do not condone her having sex, but if any questions arise, you will be there for her. No parent wants his or her children to become sexually active at such a young age. Yet with or without your permission, it will happen. The important thing is to educate your children on the matter and continue to be there for them through it all.

— Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. Kelly Kelin is a senior at Free State High School. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about adolescent issues (limited to 200 words) to doubletake@ljworld.com. All correspondence is strictly confidential.

Comments

SettingTheRecordStraight 5 years, 10 months ago

Following Dr. Wes' logic, if your teenage daughter is intent on drinking alcohol (and many seem to be), her parents are better off just putting a keg in the basement and allowing her and her friends to get drunk as safely as possible. "If you don't pay heed to her request," she may choose to consume alcohol in an unsupervised - and less safe - environment, after all.

Wes' advice would also encourage a mom to become a mentor in her daughter's decision to drink. "If you approach it from this angle, you then become free to really guide your daughter."

Wes claims that parents who give in to their children's natural inclinations, such as to have sex or get drunk, are smarter than other parents and that a daughter is able recognize this level of intelligence. "...she’ll think you are a really wise mom..."

After all, teens are known to consume alcohol, aren't they?! They "...have been for a lot longer than any of us have been alive." Why should we insist on abstinence from alcohol when we can just make consuming alcohol more safe?

And finally, if you're firm with your child about alcohol and deny her a natural proclivity, you're asking for trouble. According to Dr. Wes, "the level of control and manipulation that requires is likely to create blowback in your family for years to come."

Why does the Journal World print this guy's trash?

coolmom 5 years, 10 months ago

better safe than sorry in the birth control arena, i am afraid i dont agree in the drinking arena as why couldnt you plug in (other teens are doing drugs) (other teens are quitting school) (other teens are shooting people)(other teens are jumping off that cliff)

Confrontation 5 years, 10 months ago

This comment was removed by the site staff for violation of the usage agreement.

pace 5 years, 10 months ago

Good for both of them for dealing with issues. I found it hard to accept girl to woman time but talking is better than what many get into. Wingnut fantasy of abstinence only teaching will not serve women well. duh. It is a great time to try to communicate and maybe prevent another teenage boy shirking his role. That is an issue the wingnuts and many parents just slide away from, it doesn't need to be like that. If you wish to avoid teen pregnancy, talk seriously and openly to your sons as well as daughters.

JayCat_67 5 years, 10 months ago

I'm sure, if forced to choose, I'd rather stumble across a pack of birth controls in my teenage daughter's room than to have her tell me that she's pregnant.

jonas_opines 5 years, 10 months ago

Just remember, if you don't ever do anything that could be maybe seen as advocating for your kid to have sex, then they never will.

sandersen 5 years, 10 months ago

As I have stated before, open lines of family communication, scientifically accurate sex ed, and ready access to birth control are the only means to prevent children from raising children, unplanned pregnancy and the only means to reduce/prevent abortions. Human beings are sexual beings, and sexual activity has ALWAYS been the norm during the early/mid teenage years, hence marriages occuring between 13-16 years of age in females and 16-20 years of age in males right up until the early 20th century. Any statement to the contrary is a bald-faced lie, and an attempt to imply guilt to that which has always been as much a part of the normal human experience as breathing.

Disinformation and falsehoods remain such even disguised in a cloak of self-righteousness and implied-morality.

fascinating_person 5 years, 10 months ago

SettingTheRecordStraight, it seems from your post that you have trouble following logic.

You take some basic ideas from Dr. Crenshaw's response, remove the topic at hand (the possibility of a 15-year-old being deceptive about her reasons to want to be on birth control) and replace it with a scenario of your own creation (a fictitious teenager "intent on" drinking alcohol). You then reach your own conclusions based on this incongruous substitution and assert that the absurdity of those conclusions implies the absurdity of Dr. Crenshaw's response.

This is not logical for a number of reasons. The most startling problem with your logic is your categorization of the teenage trend of wanting to drink alcohol as a "natural proclivity." Oh yeah, those raging alcho-hormones we all struggled with in our teenage years, right? The awkward 'first time' you fumbled in the dark to find the tab on that beer can? That first mysterious and shameful wet bar dream?

Yes, both teenage sex AND teenage drinking happen. I imagine both often happen as a result of peer pressure. But, except in rare cases (I know of none, actually, unless a child developed an alcohol dependency while being carried by his or her mother) teenagers do NOT experience a 'natural' or 'biological' drive to drink. It's common knowledge, however, that ESPECIALLY in the teenage years, one feels the natural, biological urge to engage in sexual intercourse. This is key to the debate, and your illogical argument has no place in intelligent discourse on the subject.

Escapee 5 years, 10 months ago

As the mother of three pretty much grown up girls (24, 20, and 20) I find this an interesting topic. It's true you know that many, many dermatologists prescribe (or refer you to your own physician to prescribe) birth control for teen girls and the control of teen acne/breakouts. And a birth control pill is also a required precursor for a derm med called Accutane that is popularly presribed for teens. It is also true that irregular periods can often be 'corrected' with the use of birth control. Face it folks, being fifteen is a *itch in this world we live in. And things HAVE changed. Though none of my girls asked me to speak with a doctor and request a birth control prescription at the age of 15, none of them were ready either to experience any sexual discoveries at the time. But certainly by the time they each left for college, we'd had many, many open conversations about all of this and what it meant to them individually. We laughingly, but diligently, kept a notebook upstairs that they, and I, added stuff to all the time -- articles and pieces of info on sex and even some other health issues. It was wonderful...funny, yet the basis for lots of conversations -- with friends, with me, even with a few boyfriends on occasion. Though they'd never call it 'learning' -- that's exactly what it was. And I never waited for them to come to me and have to be embarrassed about asking me to help them decide on birth control. When I could see the temptation on the horizon -- I suggested it -- and often for 'false' reasons -- like the ol' irregular period stuff, or to see if it really clears up your face.... Don't embarrass them! Sex is quite normal, and it is important that they have all the information they possible can before that big moment. We talked a lot about commitment and pleasure and the differences and how it can CHANGE a relationship and CHANGE your feelings toward someone. It isn't important for them to tell a parent everything, or ANYthing for that matter -- but it is important for you to give them that information. I am proud to say all three of my daughters have healthy outlooks on things sexual. One lives with a significant other and is happy and healthy. One is enjoying perhaps her first serious relationship currently, in college. And yet another hasn't found anyone interesting to share that part of her life with at this point. But all have firm ideas about what it means to them and to their relationships. For this, I am thankful. I'm glad to have assisted them in making healthy decisions and I hope for them to do the same for their sons and daughters.

estelle 5 years, 10 months ago

A couple of things you should know:

  1. There is NO medical reason to take birth control pills. 'irregular periods' are as regular as regular periods.
  2. Hormonal contraceptives offer SERIOUS risks (truthaboutbirthcontrol.com)
  3. I'm pretty sure your daughter just wants to have sex. Get her to admit it, talk to the boy, talk to her friends...don't listen to silly privacy and PC pundits...YOU are the mother...it's your responsibility
  4. She's better off using condoms (STDs and other lowered risks)

The contraceptive culture gives males absolute liberty to treat women as sex objects. Treating young women as helpless, weak animals with no self control only perpetuates this idea.

I can tell you right now, dealing with your daughter on this issue will be HELL. You will lose sleep, she will be angry at you, you will have massive headaches and her peers and boyfriend will ostracize her if you deal with this properly. Or you can take the easy road and give her the pill.

motocross 5 years, 10 months ago

..... and machiavelli in a chester in a white van....

sandersen 5 years, 10 months ago

moto-

So.... Anyone who sees this differently than you is a child molester?

Pathetic.

sandersen 5 years, 10 months ago

And estelle... Are you a medical professional? There are indeed medical reasons to take the pill. Irregular/heavy periods can be quite severe and have their own set of side effects, and I can personally say they are profoundly aided by taking the pill.

Although I must agree that it is important to use condoms along with the pill to protect both against stds and pregnancy.

Communication regarding human sexuality are best begun early and honestly, which effectively reduces the "headache" of these discussions.

maxcrabb 5 years, 10 months ago

To the author of the letter:

Your daughter is asking you about sex. Man up and tell her how you feel! This isn't an episode of the Real Desperate Housewives, she's trying to have a conversation with you.

Just figure it out and be the parent.

craigers 5 years, 10 months ago

fascinating_person, drinking alcohol isn't that bad of another example for the same logic. A number of people pose that alcoholism is inherited, which would mean even teenagers would be driven by this tendency to alcohol that is in their genes just as they are driven to sex by hormones.

sandersen 5 years, 10 months ago

craigers-

Your thought process seems as if it were impervious to logic and accurate scientific data. Sex always has, always will be a part of the human experience, and the teenage years always has, and always will be the time when this experience arises in some form. A look at history is all it takes to confirm this fact. Sharing your personal feelings about human sexuality with your children is important, but sharing accurate information with them is what will prevent them from being parents before their time, as well as allowing for them to become responsible for their sexual health without shame.

KansasPerson 5 years, 10 months ago

Machiavelli_mania (Anonymous) says…

"Why should the teen not have sex? Enjoy life. It is brief. Those hormones, the heightened senses only happen in youth."

Dang, I'm about 30 years older than the teenager in question. Was I supposed to stop having "hormones" and "heightened senses"? I never got the memo!

craigers 5 years, 10 months ago

And I don't disagree with you sandersen. Educate your children to keep unwanted pregnancies from happening. The thing is fascinating_person was basically saying earlier: "The most startling problem with your logic is your categorization of the teenage trend of wanting to drink alcohol as a “natural proclivity.”

fascinating_person was basically saying that there aren't any natural tendencies toward alcohol. According to some, alcoholism isn't a choice it is an inherited gene/disease which would mean there are people naturally drawn to alcohol.

I don't agree that alcoholism is a disease that can be passed on through generations, but if people believe that it is inherited and a natural tendency exist then STRS example would be applicable. That is all I stated.

daschie88 5 years, 10 months ago

Communication, communication, communication! That is most definitely the key here. I am not a parent yet (thank goodness), but I am a child; a child blessed with open communication between my mother and I. This made the topic of sex and birth control no less awkward, but more accessible to me. Because I didn't feel like I was going to be judged harshly and/or punished, I actually did talk to my mom about sex and birth control. Unfortunately for you, parents, it is ultimately your child's decision whether or not to become sexually active. Your only chance at playing any part in the decision is to educate your children and pray that you raised them right and that they'll make the right decision. And when they make the wrong one (as teenagers often do) it is your responsibility to help them make the right one next time.
In my opinion, there are several reasons why kids are having sex earlier and earlier. First off, humans are hitting puberty earlier than past generations, thus our biological drive to want to have sex starts sooner. Also, marital relationships are socially less acceptable at a young age making it extremely difficult to wait until marriage to have sex. So earlier sex drive plus later marriages is going to result in young, premarital sex. Its just a fact of life in this day and age, and as parents, you should educate your children to the best of your ability. When you throw in peer pressure and the media along with the previous factors there's going to be a built up curiosity....a.k.a. sex on a pedestal. My best advice as a young person in this society, is to keep communication lines open, do what it takes to protect your kids (be it allowing birth control pills or buying condoms), and to trust your kid's judgment. You did raise them after all. It may seem like some kids are doing it like rabbits, but the more involved you are in your kid's life, the more they will think about you before making the ultimate decision.

denak 5 years, 10 months ago

I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). PCOS is characterized by irregular or abnormal periods. Birth control pills help regulate the hormonal imbalance that causes PCOS. It is believed that 1 out of 10 females have PCOS. For many onset starts in the teen years.

What Dr. Wes should have told the mom is to take her daughter to a doctos so that PCOS can be ruled out or diagnosed via an ultrasound. It is important she know if she has PCOS because it can, in some cases, inhibit conception in the future.

Telling the mom to take her daughter to a doctor should have been the first thing that he told her because the daughter could have a legitimate health concern.

Taking her to the doctor would have also opened up a way to talk for mom to talk to her daughter about the whole issue of sex, contraception and the realities of sex at a young age. I think the daughter would have appreciated her mom recognizing that the daughter might have a legitmate need for the birth control pills rather than being suspicious. Of course, the daughter could be doing things that legitimately make mom suspicious but at least, the door would have been opened to talk to each other. Telling mom to just accept that her daughter is going to have sex, really doesn't take care of the underlying problems.

Dena

estelle 5 years, 10 months ago

Sanderson,

Yeah...I'm sure this lady's daughter is having severe bleeding that requires hormonal contraceptive...there are other drugs that help with that.

Hormonal contraceptives are the only drugs designed to interfere with a healthy, natural process.

sandersen 5 years, 10 months ago

Wow. What might those other drugs be, may I inquire? Oral contraceptives are the most commonly prescribed method of regulating periods/reducing heavy menstruation in women. The "healthy, natural process" you are referring to can be debilitating and embarassing if you happen to suffer from a number of scenarios.

Please list the meds you prescribe to your patients with the above described difficulties...

estelle 5 years, 10 months ago

Sandersen,

To answer your question, drugs such as Cyclokapron, Transamin, Exacyl reduce menstrual blood flow by about half. They are more effective in reducing blood flow than oral progestins. There are also tons od NSAIDS that work well.

But let us not escape the subject... this is NOT about heavy bleeding.

sandersen 5 years, 10 months ago

NSAIDS are helpful in managing pain, and can reduce bleeding, but have significant liver/anemia/gastrointestinal side effects when used for long periods of time. They are also ineffective at regulating the menstrual cycle. And the source website you used in your earlier post seems a thinly-veiled anti-contraceptive website(most likely funded by a religious/anti-family planning source?).

Tranexamic acid (the active med in the products you listed) may help with heavy periods that are not irregular, and not caused by fibroids, endometriosis, or other uterine lesions and when hormonal agents are not an option. Side effects, however, can include headache, nausea, and gastrointestinal distress. There is some concern that it may increase the risk for blood clots, and women with a risk for clots should not use them.

We are discussing a teenage girl who may have problem periods, or may be trying to find a way to ask her mother to help her get birth control. Just broaching the issue shows the young lady has a sense of responsibility, because it was probably a very scary thing to ask. I am sure her mother would not relish being asked for a pregnancy test instead....

mom_of_three 5 years, 10 months ago

I have never been in this scenario as a parent yet. but coming from an extended family which includes a couple of teen pregnancies through the years, i know how hard teen pregnancy can be. It could very well be that this daughter is asking for birth control because she has heard it helps with periods or skipping periods (whatever). It could be her excuse to get birth control to have sex. Dr.Wes was right in that the mom should talk to her daughter, find out what is going on, and then the two of them can make an informed decision about what is best. Teens who really want to have sex, will have sex, with or without birth control. But parents should help them make informed decisions about sex and birth control. This discussion has yet to appear in my house, but it will soon.

beatrice 5 years, 10 months ago

STRS: "Following Dr. Wes' logic, if your teenage daughter is intent on drinking alcohol (and many seem to be), her parents are better off just putting a keg in the basement and allowing her and her friends to get drunk as safely as possible."

No. Using alcohol as the model, following Dr. Wes' logic, if a teen says she would like to take a taxi home from a party because she might be tired, but even though the parent may suspect alcohol is the reason the parent will still give the okay for the taxi. Using your logic, even though the student is drinking you would still insist she drive herself home regardless of the possible consequences.

mleanna 5 years, 10 months ago

estelle (Anonymous) says…

"A couple of things you should know:

  1. There is NO medical reason to take birth control pills. 'irregular periods' are as regular as regular periods.
  2. Hormonal contraceptives offer serious risks (truthaboutbirthcontrol.com)
  3. I'm pretty sure your daughter just wants to have sex. Get her to admit it, talk to the boy, talk to her friends…don't listen to silly privacy and PC pundits…YOU are the mother…it's your responsibility
  4. She's better off using condoms (STDs and other lowered risks)

The contraceptive culture gives males absolute liberty to treat women as sex objects. Treating young women as helpless, weak animals with no self control only perpetuates this idea.

I can tell you right now, dealing with your daughter on this issue will be HELL. You will lose sleep, she will be angry at you, you will have massive headaches and her peers and boyfriend will ostracize her if you deal with this properly. Or you can take the easy road and give her the pill."


I call BS on this, particularly your first point. As a teenager, I experienced such severe symptoms during periods that I had to miss school. I'd be at home, throwing up and in terrible pain. It was awful, and it interfered with my life in a pretty big way.

It finally got to the point during my senior year of high school that my mom suggested going to the doctor to ask about getting on the pill. I did, and it helped enormously. Now I can't imagine going back to those days. I'm so glad she cared enough about my well being to make that suggestion, as I wouldn't have known what to do otherwise.

Knowing that I was on the pill had no effect whatsoever on when I decided to have sex. I waited several years (despite pressure) until I was ready. I really doubt most people are making sexual decisions based entirely on whether or not they're on the pill; either they're going to be responsible or they aren't. If the daughter is concerned about preventing pregnancy, she could probably get her hands on some condoms, which, as you pointed out, will have the added protection from many STDs.

estelle 5 years, 10 months ago

Accusing the website I mentioned of being 'a thinly-veiled anti-contraceptive website (most likely funded by a religious/anti-family planning source?)' is of absolutely no relevance. If you have an issue with something that is written there then I suggest you argue against those specific items/facts and not attack the authors. I looked closely at all the articles on there and they are ALL pulled directly from other mainstream reputable media sources. But I'm beginning to get a better picture of your motives...it's more a politlcal, left/right, religion/atheism issue... let's not mix that with the topic at hand.

I would like to give the girl the benefit of the doubt. According to the original question, the reason she wanted to go on birth control pills is because “all her friends are on them for their periods", and that simply is not a good enough reason to take hormones. We tell boys not to take hormones to grow muscles...it seems that there is a consensus about that. Why are people so eager to stuff girls with dangerous chemicals if it can be avoided?

estelle 5 years, 10 months ago

mleanna,

Good for you that you resisted the pressure etc... that takes a spine. But I want to point out what you said:

"It finally got to the point during my senior year of high school that my mom suggested going to the doctor to ask about getting on the pill."

This is what I am questioning...why is it that the pill automatically the only 'remedy' people consider? In my opinion, your mother should have taken you to the doctor to ask about 'reducing your symptoms' and not about 'getting on the pill'.

Ernest Barteldes 5 years, 10 months ago

jonas_opines (Anonymous) says…

Just remember, if you don't ever do anything that could be maybe seen as advocating for your kid to have sex, then they never will.

Uh Jonas... "Never?" You got to be kidding

tangential_reasoners_anonymous 5 years, 10 months ago

All of this could have been avoided if the daughter had opted for "period regularizing" tablets instead of "birth control" pills.

mleanna 5 years, 10 months ago

estelle,

I didn't word it properly I guess. I've never gone to a doctor and asked to get prescribed something (always thought commercials telling you to "ask your doctor about " were ridiculous). We went to the doctor to talk about my symptoms with that as a possibility because she knew that the pill might help with them.

But the pill IS what reduces my symptoms. So my main point was that your statement, "There is NO medical reason to take birth control pills." is flat-out wrong. I agree that wanting to do what everyone else is doing just for convenience isn't the best reason to get on the pill. But there are valid ones besides preventing pregnancy (preventing or reducing menstrual migraines is another I didn't mention before).

sandersen 5 years, 10 months ago

estelle-

What exactly are you giving her the "benefit of the doubt" for? And the provider of funding/information on the web site you source is of particular relevance, as it may show bias that eliminates the scientific credibility of the data. Do you own the website? How can you possibly be angry that I call out the completely one-sided stats... So much as to state I am "attacking the author"! I made the statement about the website based on viewing the website, which, in my personal view, appeared to be a propaganda site, similar to others I have viewed that are directly related to specific organizations that oppose contraception and family planning.

I am neither to judge whether this young woman is, or is not sexually active or planning to be so. I am simply a huge advocate of honest communication and access to education and contraception as the means to prevent stds/pregnancy/abortion in our young adults and teenagers, free of shame, lies and hypocrisy.

My motive, by the way, is to promote discussion, and to advocate for the honest information being disseminated to our youth. It is the only way to attempt to reduce the incidence of teen pregnancy and abortion in our country and our world.

What's your motive?

beatrice 5 years, 10 months ago

Ernest, yes, jonas was clearly kidding.

Ray Miller 5 years, 10 months ago

Estelle said: Hormonal contraceptives are the only drugs designed to interfere with a healthy, natural process.


Really? What about antacids? They interfere with the digestion process. Or how about Tylenol? After all, pain is just the healthy, natural process by which your body tells you something is wrong.

By your logic, we should just abolish the practice of medicine altogether. After all death itself is a natural process.

jonas_opines 5 years, 10 months ago

ErnestBarteldes (Ernest Barteldes) says…

"Um Jonas… You got to be kidding."

That might be a theory. I'll never tell!! >B^)>

Stuart Evans 5 years, 10 months ago

she should let her get knocked up and then either abort the baby or be sure it gets on welfare. then everyone will be happy, right?

8ball 5 years, 10 months ago

wow,sounds like your daughter is a tramp

estelle 5 years, 10 months ago

Sandersen,

  1. Benefit of the doubt that she genuinely requests BC for medical purposes.
  2. I'm not angry and don't own that website.
  3. Don't let jumping to the unexamined defense of birth control get in the way of promoting discussion (if that's really what you want).

In your noble, neutral and objective quest for the dissemination of information don't forget to include the other side (the possible negative side effects of hormonal contraceptives).

Christine Anderson 5 years, 10 months ago

Oh good grief! I cannot believe the idiocy of the first poster.

About a woman ( or teen girl) using birth control pills to regulate periods or severe symptoms associated with them. For some, this is a good solution. My doctor tried this with me when I was in my 30's, and having problems with ovarian cysts. The pills made me so nauseated and irritable, it was as bad as early in my pregnancies. So I threw them out and decided to put up with it. Yes, there are certain health risks associated with birth control pills. That's why a physical exam and thorough family history should be taken before they are prescribed.

Now for the issue of teens having sex. I for one wish teens would not have sex. But my wishing they would wait will not make it so. Those parents who want their sons and daughters to wait for sex can give them all the info in the world on why they should wait. Still, we cannot guarantee they will listen. Hell, my oldest didn't. When I realized she was having sex anyway, I said, "Look, there are several health risks with the women in our family. Please, let's go see dr. so-and-so and see if this is right for you." She initially tried to deny she was having sex, but I basically said, "Look. I've tried all the games you have. It's not going to work on me. Now for God's sake, if you're gonna do "it", protect yourself!" She was quite embarrassed, but finally admitted it. So, for the last couple years she lived at home, she took a low-dose pill. She and her boyfriend also used condoms. Here's the funny( well, sort of). I got a call from her father one day when she was at his place. The poor man was obviously shaken to the core. In a whispered voice, he said, "I found CONDOMS behind her bed." I said, "Well, at least she's using them." A few weeks later, I got another panicked call from my ex. This time he says, "YOUR (not our) daughter was naked with a boy, in my house! And they were naked, in my house!" Apparently, her father had come home early from work to find...you guessed it. The boy literally grabbed his underwear and jumped out the window and ran! My daughter was trying to hide behind the door to avoid her father seeing her. When I was on the phone with my ex, I had to pretend to be shocked, and sympathetic. Any American father would have been shaken by what he discovered. But, my daughter's father is from Iran. I honestly felt sorry for him, because he was taking it so hard. When the call ended, though, I had to let it out. I laughed until I couldn't stand it anymore. Not at the fact that my teen daughter was having sex, although it was not new news to me. It was the poor man's reaction.

sandersen 5 years, 10 months ago

estelle-

Your id was only just established today. This is the only story you have commented on. The likelihood that you are the reincarnation of another oldie-but-goody is high. The blatantly patronizing tone you have taken with me is offensive, but not unexpected.

I have a track record. My forth-right attempt to engage others in a meaningful fashion is able to be examined at will, and whether you agree with me or not, it remains I am a constant.

Feel free to engage me after you have a track record here. Until then, I consider you naught but a busy-body troll with questionable intentions.

hawklet21 5 years, 10 months ago

It seems like the mother just needs to have a good, old-fashioned, sit-down-at-the-kitchen-table-TALK with her daughter. I think 15 is WAY too young to have sex, but I know that it happens. I grew up in a home with a single mom and two older sisters, and sex was never a taboo topic. I'm still relatively young, but I've only had one partner and quite a healthy sex life and I also talked to my mother before I did "IT," even though I was an adult with my own non-momma-funded apartment when I became sexually active. I wasn't embarrassed to ask her for my health insurance cards to go to the doc, even if I knew that she would know that that was what was up. We all have varying opinions on when sex is right, but I don't think that anyone could possibly argue that talking to your mother about sex and all that is related is a bad thing. Just TALK! There is no reason to hide.

estelle 5 years, 10 months ago

Sandersen,

I rest my case then. It's not about facts... it's about how many times I've posted on this site. When I'm worthy enough to engage with you then let me know. Fair enough.

sandersen 5 years, 10 months ago

estelle-

What I questioned were your facts, as well as the source material you sited. Examining source material is what occurs in discussion and debate. You tossed back an ad hominem... "But I'm beginning to get a better picture of your motives…it's more a politlcal, left/right, religion/atheism issue...." Was that about facts? Within my discussion of this topic, there is not a single reference to a political party, nor a specific theological identity that I claim.

My discussion of this topic has been about the facts. I have no dual or secondary identities to create a support for my posts, or to create a quorum to reinforce my opinion or thoughts on a subject. All too often on these boards, a wedge issue story brings a slew of "one-story" posters whose style of writing and source material are hauntingly familiar.

It's not about being "worthy". It's about being real.

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