Bravo’s new faux-p-opera “Miami Social” (9 p.m., Bravo) takes place in Miami, but it could have been shot in the Twilight Zone. And by the way, I’m taking full credit or blame for the term “faux-p-opera.” You saw it here first! Let it live long and prosper.

For starters, it’s supposed to be about a clique of “hot, young professionals.” I’ll grant that “hot” remains in the eye of the beholder. “Young,” however, faces the onslaught of time’s winged chariot. And some of these hotties have quite a few rings beneath their bark.

With one notable exception, the folks on “Miami” aren’t quite as psychotic, dramatic or dim as many of the “Real Housewives.” They’re too busy working to be that unhinged. But some viewers will quibble with the notion that throwing and attending parties should be described as “work.”

George, a mortgage broker, shares power-clique status with Sorah, his judgmental ex-wife who works on her tan a lot. Sorah worries about George’s mental health since he’s taken up with Lina, an unstable beauty who appears to be auditioning for “The Real Housewives of Uzbekistan,” or whatever breakaway Soviet republic she hails from. She’s a handful that George doesn’t mind being “hands-on” with, if you catch my drift. But he often wonders if she’s “the one.”

Hardy makes a living throwing parties, an act of compensation, it seems, for having a name as silly as Hardy. His girlfriend of six years is a clinging sort. What could go wrong?

Hardy hires Ariel, a bisexual nightlife organizer quite enamored of his own looks and who speaks of himself in the third person. But Ariel is a pillar of modesty compared to Michael, a local journalist with a receding hairline who covers this fabulous beat when he’s not moping in bed worried that he can’t find a man as hot and wonderful as himself.

Katrina toils 25-hours a day in a “hot” real estate market that has no relation to Florida’s grim reality. She works all the time with her husband of 13 years. What could go wrong?

Maria, a scowling Russian-born photographer, adds some ballast to the bunch. She frets a lot about her teenage daughter, whom she loves so much that she sends her to boarding school in Switzerland, far, far removed from the sand, sex and sunblock of “Miami Social.”

In better hands this gossipy cast of characters could form the basis of updated screwball comedies like “The Women.” But that 1939 comedy was shot through with sophistication and wit, two ingredients in rather short supply here.

• “Square Roots: The Story of SpongeBob SquarePants” (8 p.m., VH1) celebrates the 10th anniversary of the popular cartoon.

• The National and American Leagues tangle in the 80th Annual Major League Baseball All-Star Game (7 p.m., Fox) live from Busch Stadium in St. Louis.

Tonight’s other highlights

• A new look at the Northern Lights on “NOVA ScienceNow” (8 p.m., PBS).

• A series of robberies may be linked to a mystical melody on “Warehouse 13” (8 p.m., SyFy).

• Scheduled on “48 Hours Mystery” (9 p.m., CBS): Vegas heat.

• Carol Burnett guest stars on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (9 p.m., NBC).

• Prosecutors seek justice in international courts on “The Reckoning” on “P.O.V.” (9 p.m., PBS, check local listings).