Dear Wes and Kelly: I just read your column for the week, and I agree that all we parents can do is make it a little bit harder (very little) for our kids to access the bad side of the Internet. There’s just too many unfiltered connections out there. I’m also aware of how disgusting a lot of material is out there and I’m wondering what else can be done to make kids better armed to deal with it and have it not affect them so much down the road.

Wes: I’m assuming here that you’re worried more about pornography than social networking sites — last week’s issue. The word “disgusting” pretty much gave it away.

History tells us that kids have always had an interest in pornography, though its content and availability have changed dramatically. Some outgrow or moderate this interest, and others remain fascinated well into adulthood. Researchers have tried to prove or disprove theories that porn is inherently problematic. Like many vices, the best we can say at this point is that it causes many problems for some people and very few for others.

Beyond that general debate, there’s little question that any potential problems are dramatically magnified for teenagers — just as they are for substance use, inattentive driving, etc. Kids hate to hear it, but there are some things they’re not fully prepared to process. Sexuality is certainly one of them. Of course, that hasn’t stopped anyone yet.

We’re all well aware from experience that our hormones are never more active and interesting than when we are between 13 and 25. It’s a biological dualism that goes to the very core of species propagation. We’re most excited about sex at the very moment we’re least ready to deal effectively with it. Ready access to porn simply puts this little conundrum on steroids.

This is because that imagery is so incredibly over-the-top that it’s really a sort of a cartoon version of what sex is about. It exaggerates every aspect of human sexuality — especially it’s novelty — to the point of freakishness. Exploration and the search for novelty is fundamental to teen thinking.

So what you’re up against is a very powerful set of drawing cards — strangely interesting sexual content, vividly portrayed to an exaggerated extent, at the touch of a button that is very difficult to censor. I don’t blame you for feeling powerless.

While I agree that making an attempt at filtering content sends an important message about your values and beliefs, I recognize it has its limits. The only real defense is to start from the age your children can communicate and start telling them the story YOU want them to learn about sex. As I’ve often noted, the very worst thing you can possibly do is avoid the subject or put it off until your child is 14. Any parent who can’t be comfortable or relaxed in these discussions needs to find a solid adult who is. Otherwise they’re essentially defaulting their kids to the story others want to tell.

As you seem to realize, that one may not have a very positive plot line. The other vital element is to live your life the way you want your kids to live theirs. If you teach your story through words AND actions it will be a lot harder for the other “storytellers” to hold your children’s interest. Because no matter how hard you try to censor them, they’ll get their shot. Be sure your version can compete.

Kelly: At this age, you can’t be with your children every waking moment of their lives. There comes a time when they begin a journey down the road of sexuality and self-discovery, and as much as you want to prevent them from facing the dangers that may lie ahead, you can’t.

Kids are not stupid. We observe and pick up on nearly everything. We pay close attention and know when you’re trying to hide things from us. As much as you attempt to shelter your children from our oversexed society, you’ll find that sexual content is plastered everywhere. Turn on the TV — there’s another Viagra commercial or provocative reality show. You listen to the radio, and you hear about some new drug that will “enhance performance.” Drive down the highway, and there is some half-clothed model on a billboard. Open your e-mail account, and you’ve been “spammed” with porn sites.

Times have changed. It’s not taboo to discuss sex anymore. Unless one plans on keeping children enclosed within their homes for 20 years, it’s going to be difficult sheltering them from this reality.

One thing to be sure of, is that you should trust your children. You’ve instilled your values and morals since birth; now it is a matter of time before such morals are questioned and put to the challenge. If you feel your child may be too young to understand sex and all its highs and lows, then just let them know that there is some very adult material out there and once they are older they will be more likely to understand. Tell them if they have any questions or concerns, it’s OK to come and talk to you about it. Educate them. Communicate. Prepare them.

If you attempt to keep your children from the negative sides of the Internet, at least tell them why you find it’s bad. But do realize curiosity is going to get them one way or another; it’s just a matter of time.

Next week: We’ll examine the “lost summer” after senior year and high school and how to help kids avoid it.

 Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. Kelly Kelin is a senior at Free State High School. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about adolescent issues (limited to 200 words) to doubletake@ljworld.com. All correspondence is strictly confidential.