Parents: They’re just so easy to spot
The Bad Mommy Club
How to spot a nonparent:
• Invites you to a party that starts “around 10 p.m.-ish.”
• Seen at coffee shop in the morning with circles under eyes and smelling of alcohol.
• Leaves work to get away from the stress.
• Asks if you did anything fun this weekend.
How to spot a parent:
• Invites you to a party that starts “around 4:30 p.m.-ish.”
• Seen at coffee shop in the morning with circles under eyes but NOT smelling of alcohol.
• Goes to work to get away from the stress.
• Has a balled-up pair of dirty child’s socks in a Tupperware lid on their desk.
• Wears T-shirts embellished with mysterious crusty spots.
• i-Pod playlist includes “Wee-Pals Sing-Along-Songs” and “Hannah Montana’s Greatest Hits.”
• Purse doubles as a diaper bag and/or diaper bag doubles as their purse.
• Asks if you want the crusts cut off your sandwich.
• Offers to sell you 20 pounds of kettle corn in a collectible tin for $100.
• Has ever been too tired to make Easy-Mac.
• Absentmindedly hums or whistles a selection of tunes from “The Wiggles.”
• Has extracted something from another person’s nostril.
• Secretly prays basement will develop a sink-hole capable of devouring 200 plastic storage bins filled with toys.
• Can’t remember the last time they went on a date.
• Requires multiple sessions to watch one R-rated movie.
• Laughs maniacally or is at a complete loss for words when asked if they did anything fun this weekend.