How to spot a nonparent:
• Invites you to a party that starts “around 10 p.m.-ish.”
• Seen at coffee shop in the morning with circles under eyes and smelling of alcohol.
• Leaves work to get away from the stress.
• Asks if you did anything fun this weekend.
How to spot a parent:
• Invites you to a party that starts “around 4:30 p.m.-ish.”
• Seen at coffee shop in the morning with circles under eyes but NOT smelling of alcohol.
• Goes to work to get away from the stress.
• Has a balled-up pair of dirty child’s socks in a Tupperware lid on their desk.
• Wears T-shirts embellished with mysterious crusty spots.
• i-Pod playlist includes “Wee-Pals Sing-Along-Songs” and “Hannah Montana’s Greatest Hits.”
• Purse doubles as a diaper bag and/or diaper bag doubles as their purse.
• Asks if you want the crusts cut off your sandwich.
• Offers to sell you 20 pounds of kettle corn in a collectible tin for $100.
• Has ever been too tired to make Easy-Mac.
• Absentmindedly hums or whistles a selection of tunes from “The Wiggles.”
• Has extracted something from another person’s nostril.
• Secretly prays basement will develop a sink-hole capable of devouring 200 plastic storage bins filled with toys.
• Can’t remember the last time they went on a date.
• Requires multiple sessions to watch one R-rated movie.
• Laughs maniacally or is at a complete loss for words when asked if they did anything fun this weekend.
Comments
Confrontation 5 years, 9 months ago
So, every woman who isn't a mom goes out and gets drunk every night? It must get lonely up on that mommy high horse.
Leslie Swearingen 5 years, 9 months ago
Wow, so we are in our, you think you are better than I am phase. She is talking about moms with little ones, it is different with each stage of life. I don't work in an office, so I don't know what goes on in that environment. It was written in fun. I can identify with the tons of toys, helping to sell things for school and scout projects, and I remember when my daughter stuck a bean up her nose. Why? I don't know but apparently it something every child feels compelled to do.
Music_Girl 5 years, 9 months ago
I find it odd there are only 4 criteria for finding a nonparent but 16 for finding a parent. I sense that someone is a new(ish) parent and is in the "show off that I have kids and want everyone to adore me because I think I'm better" phase... Personally, I'm a young woman who is not a parent and I don't get drunk. I do ask if my coworkers did anything fun over the weekend and they are all parents and guess what! They ask me the same thing, as well as ask each other and they often have fun stories to share! I have just as much stress at work as I do at home. None of the parents I work with meet most of the criteria you listed. I don't believe this article was very well thought out. If it was supposed to be funny or humorous...I'm not laughing and I can generally find the fun in most anything.
Danielle Brunin 5 years, 9 months ago
Why does it always have to be mother vs. non-mother? I think this article was meant in good fun, but unfortunately it capitalizes on the stereotypes that make non-parents resent parents and parents categorize non-parents as irresponsible. I wouldn't be caught dead with my child's music on my iPod. My iPod is MY space and my territory. I share enough as it is. I don't work to get away from stress at home, although sometimes it is a nice reprieve. I also would never ask one of my friends, parent or not, if they wanted the crust cut off their bread, otherwise I likely won't see them again because they are my friends, not children. Mothers who try to mother other people because they have kids are the worst. Yes, there is nothing like being a parent and I love it, but if you have babysat a child for an extended period of time, you probably have a good understanding of being a parent because eventually you're ready to give them back and get on with your life. Obviously, parents can't do that, but that is where the reward and exhaustion come in, and make the experience what it is. Am I a bad mother for thinking this way?
Jason Bailey 5 years, 9 months ago
Meghan forgot to add that you can spot a mom in a grocery store by the fact that she's stealing apples for her screaming sticky pixie. (http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2008/oct...)
Bad mommy club indeed. More like the lazy-I-don't-discipline-my-kids club.
d_prowess 5 years, 9 months ago
I would say that the fact that she only has 4 ways to spot a nonparent means that she was not a nonparent for very long in her adult life. And also probably only hangs out with parents.
Christine Pennewell Davis 5 years, 9 months ago
oh give me a break it was funny at least the how to spot a parent part was to me, now the finding the non parent one well I do not know to many bosses that are going to put up with a person smelling like a bar showing up every day so not sure that is a true factor.
Randy Erickson 5 years, 9 months ago
From people who don't know how to write a correct sentence to people who say they can find fun in most anything, it's equally fascinating and horrifying to read the opinions that people offer up to something that's clearly supposed to be purely lighthearted and fun. Here's some advice for all of us who may think we have something to say: 1) Read an article and/or column, then 2) If you have that tickly, itchy desire in the small of your belly to comment with something other than kind or helpful words, then 3) Take your hands off the keyboard, walk away from the computer, and 4) Get a life. Seriously. There's one right outside your front door. Also, they're free.
Leslie Swearingen 5 years, 9 months ago
Meghan, this was a wonderful article, it was clever and fun to read. It reminds me of The Grass Is Always Greener Over The Septic Tank, by Erma Bombeck who was very popular back in the day. I want you to write more.
Confrontation 5 years, 9 months ago
There's always one stalker in the group (see above).
Jason Bailey 5 years, 9 months ago
Irish: Are you serious? You're either joking or you're drinking the left over Obama Inauguration kool-aid...not sure which.
A bunch of bullet points = a clever and fun to ready article?
I'm sure the Pulitzer Review Committee will be calling you to have you on their team for 2010.
smellinlikearose 5 years, 2 months ago
BadMommy, I wish you were still in the paper paper. Dolph (or whoever) is a dolt.
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