I hate cats.
OK, maybe that’s too strong a statement. Let’s just say I like every domesticated animal better than cats. That includes dogs, ferrets, cattle, birds, fish, feral pigs ...
The problem is that like 6 million other Americans, I am allergic to the beasts. I equate cats with a runny nose and angry fits of sneezing. By comparison, if I had any co-workers who made me sick every time I walked into their presence, chances are I would grow to loathe them.
So given that history, I’m constantly amazed when searching for Web-related ideas to fill up my Net Worth column how often I run across people who suggest I “do something about all the cat sites.” Seriously. It happens all the time. Twice last week, in fact.
Hence, this week I’m caving. You want cats, then you’ll get cats.
Let’s start with kittenwars.com.
The concept is simple. The site posts two opposing kitten photos, and visitors rank which one is cuter. The pair goes back into the system and can pop up to take on new opponents while compiling a win/loss record for everyone to see.
If you have faith that your pet is a potential winner, just head to the “handy kitten upload guide” — which is a great name for a band, incidentally. Perhaps your puss will join the ranks of a winningest kitty, such as adorable little Nutmeg, shown cradled in his owner’s hands. Or it could end up in the losingest ranks with one such as Rafael. Poor ugly, ugly Rafael.
Admittedly, when I heard the Kittenwars title, I was hoping it would lead to a site where felines did actual battle, perhaps with little gladiator gear.
But that got me thinking that in this era when you can find a video game that pits most anything in combat against anything else (“Alien vs. Predator” comes to mind), there must be a market for a game that involves the musical “Cats.”
Wouldn’t it be great if characters from that horrible Broadway production engaged in a bloodsport finish to the death?
Imagine the possibility of Rum Tum Tugger gutting Macavity with a straight razor. Or Jennyanydots decapitating Skimbleshanks, then parading the orange tabby’s head on a pike.
Surely there’s a software developer out there willing to tackle this worthy project.
But I digress.
Other cat sites recommended include stuffonmycat.com.
We all know how much cats like wearing things, so here’s a site dedicated to that very notion. It’s not just hats and clothing, either. It’s pretty much any object an owner can come up with. See Fidelia sporting a roll of black electrical tape on her head.
Here’s hoping this isn’t a new naughty fetish like that one where people dress up like stuffed animals.
Finally, there’s icanhascheezburger.com. The site allows visitors to post captions onto wacky pictures of cats. For some reason, these are crafted in a Jar Jar Binks-style broken English. Hey look at that photo of a cat using both paws to play with some yarn. The caption reads: “cats cradle allmose imposbel wiffout thumbs.”
Isn’t that hilarious?
Funny as a stuffy nose ...
— Entertainment editor Jon Niccum explores facets of pop culture that have established a unique niche on the Internet in Net Worth. He can be reached at 832-7178.