Wes: It’s an easy cliché to pick a point in a child’s life and say, “There’s no more important moment than this.” Yet among the top contenders for that title is the moment when a newly minted adult leaves home for college, trade school or the world of work. Facing the inevitable sense of grief and loss that accompanies this golden moment, it’s easy to forget our most important parenting goal is to try to keep them from moving home again.

Of course, a majority will move back at some point, whether just for the summer, after the breakup of a marriage or in response to unemployment or economic downturn. Some will simply get their fill of independence and decide that whole structured-living thing wasn’t as bad as they thought. For now, the best you can do is make the transition as successful as possible by (repeat after me) balancing support and good boundaries. There are more guidelines for this than we have space to print, but here’s a few that should help in the process:

Don’t give up on the dorms. None of us really liked them, but dorms are the place to meet people, sleep and get food — the three most important elements of transitioning out.

Be a careful consumer of apartments. If there are no dorms for your student or if he or she is entering the work force, be very cautious about the move to an apartment. Any decent complex requires a co-signer. Understand what that means — you are signing on to be liable for any debts incurred in that apartment for your child and all roommates. You’d better be ready to carry that apartment 100 percent on your own for several months if things go south — and there are more ways for that to happen than you think. Even if your child is very conscientious, anyone’s fortunes in school or work may turn. Expect the best and plan for the worst.

Coach children kindly but tenaciously on finance. You can’t control whether kids get a credit card or checking account, but you should try to discourage both. Credit cards for young adults are just an invitation to self-ruin. Checking accounts seem safer in comparison, but one $4.56 latte can cost 10 times that much in overdraft charges before your child realizes that his or her subtraction isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Debit cards are even more dangerous. Some parents offer overdraft protection. I wouldn’t do it. Until your child can afford their own overdraft protection, stick with traveler’s checks or money orders. These ancient instruments can be a good alternative until your child can save up enough to safely back a checking account.

Finally, the most important thing to teach your young adults as they waltz out the door to the world of adulthood is this: When you make a decision for yourself, you make a decision for everyone. Kids may pretend they are independent islands in the flowing stream of life, but none of us are really that free. When they need to be bailed out of jail, homelessness, financial ruin, school failure, early pregnancy or bad relationships, guess where they will turn? You. We must all set boundaries, but in the end it’s hard not to ask for help when we need it, and it’s hard for parents not to give it. There are rules for that, too, and someday we’ll discuss them here. But for now, remember that the first one is to try and avoid those situations.

Kelly: It’s time that a lot of the graduating class of 2009 will be moving into adulthood. Along with this transition come the good, the bad and the ugly. This includes whether or not you decide to move out and take on the responsibility of independent living. Many of us have been ready to take that step since we entered high school. Parents may agree or disagree with our actions, but in the end they realize that this is our time to prove ourselves, to show our parents that after all our hard work we are ready to advance further. Through this time, not only is it important for both parties to come to some sort of a happy medium, but also that through it all, you’re each there for each other.

If you’re living on your own, be sensible about it. Don’t get caught up in the whole college scene. Remember, the point of going to college is to get an education, not to see how many beer bongs you can do. Running around completely wasted all the time does not show good responsibility, and if you attempt to continue on this lifestyle, chances are you’ll probably end up back living with your parents.

Another adult responsibility is paying bills. If you chose to live in an apartment or rent a house, the bills will be somewhat higher than expected. To keep yourself from going into debt, start saving some money now. First, get a job and don’t waste your paychecks on unnecessary things. Be practical. If the rent is due, that vanilla latte you just drank for $5 looks a little wasteful. It is time to make sacrifices and straighten out your priorities.

Parents: It will be hard letting your child go through with this process. There will be no more curfews or checking in. But have faith in your children. You’ve raised them to the best of your abilities, and now it is time for you to let go and for them to begin living their own lives.

Next week: Get young teens off on the right foot with technology.

— Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. Kelly Kelin is a senior at Free State High School. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about adolescent issues (limited to 200 words) to doubletake@ljworld.com. All correspondence is strictly confidential.