Combat ‘employment guilt’

You may be hearing a term tossed about currently: “employment guilt.” This phenomenon is perhaps best-described in e-mails we received recently from two young women.

One e-mail read: “I just received good news and bad news. The good news is that my job is safe; the bad news is that all of my closest co-workers have been laid off. I feel guilty for even thinking about my good fortune.”

The second e-mail read: “Several of my co-workers lost their jobs. I still have mine, which creates a whole other set of emotions. I feel like the young girl whose parents got divorced. I don’t know how to wrap my brain around this.”

In addition to the young women above, we have several clients who, as supervisors, have had to lay people off. “Employment guilt” is essentially survivor’s guilt. Wikipedia defines survivor guilt in part as “a mental condition that occurs when a person perceives himself or herself to have done wrong by surviving a traumatic event.”

Watching others get laid off sets off an array of emotions triggering thoughts like, “I’m glad it wasn’t me” or “I feel so vulnerable.” The underlying emotions of relief and fear are normal and should not be viewed as signs of insensitivity to those less fortunate. Denying your feelings only serves to reinforce the incorrect perception that you are guilty of something. Survivor guilt often leads to depression and a declining ability to function. Ironically, the survivor can put his or her job at risk when, due to depression, work performance declines.

If you are a survivor (which about 90 percent of us are in this economy), you might consider the following:

• Acknowledge your feelings of relief, fear and vulnerability. Recognize these are not feelings associated with a lack of sensitivity to another’s plight and in fact are a sign of empathy.

• If you are having difficulty letting go of the thoughts of guilt, talk to someone. You may be surprised how many are feeling similarly. One problem for survivors is that reaching out to others is difficult because it seems oddly inconsistent with their “good fortune.” After all, the survivor didn’t lose her job; why is she needing support?

• Reach out to help someone. This is perhaps the most powerful way to spend some of your good fortune and feel more balanced. Volunteering or helping in some way can create a huge shift in your experience. If you have a friend who has been laid off, be available to her. Be sure to respect your friend’s own process and always ask first before providing assistance. Some people are very sensitive to needing help, and you want to be sure not to unintentionally offend your friend.

On an airplane, we are instructed to put on our oxygen masks before helping our children. If you don’t take care of yourself first, you will not be as helpful to others when they need your support and assistance. Don’t neglect your diet, exercise and relational needs.