Archive for Thursday, September 25, 2008

Man charged with battery for passing gas

September 25, 2008

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— A West Virginia man who police said passed gas and fanned it toward a patrolman has been charged with battery on a police officer.

Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyzer test.

As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and "passed gas loudly," the complaint said.

Cruz, according to the complaint, then fanned the gas toward the officer.

"The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged.

He was also charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction.

Comments

craigers 6 years, 9 months ago

I love it. I started cracking up just seeing the headline!!

Sheila Hooper White 6 years, 9 months ago

he should of asked the cop if he wanted some wine with his cheese:) what is this world coming to?

PapaB 6 years, 9 months ago

So, would a Dutch Oven be spousal abuse?

Tony Kisner 6 years, 9 months ago

This case would be a good one for CSI Miami.

jaywalker 6 years, 9 months ago

Too many good retorts to mention them all, but Keith stands apart with the Holy Grail reference. High-larious!!Looks like they cracked the case wide open.

cds 6 years, 9 months ago

You have to be kiding me, is this a joke? I know it isn't April 1st. Martha Stewert might buy into this bullstench of a charge. I seriously hope the judge throws this lame excuse of a chager out the window.

Chris Ogle 6 years, 9 months ago

Send for the EPA..... wait..... no it must be a plot.. call the FBI. And yes, Al Gore is on his private jet to view the site.

BuffyloGal 6 years, 9 months ago

Had he said, "Pull my finger" first it never would have gotten a charge.

classclown 6 years, 9 months ago

Will we start seeing manhunts for someone that farts on a crowded elevator before getting off?

BigAl 6 years, 9 months ago

BuffyloGal... That was a great comment!!! "pull my finger".... I'm still laughing.

littlelawrencian 6 years, 9 months ago

This one just blows me away, er, um, pardon the pun! If farting could get you arrested, my brother should have been arrested years ago!

jaycat 6 years, 9 months ago

Does this mean I can no longer crop dust in the office?

Raider 6 years, 9 months ago

Tom Shewmon (Tom Shewmon) says: Excepting state troopers, you rarely see a fit city cop or county deputy:..most are as big as a house. I've seen a few at KCI lumbering along that I swear are tipping 400 lbs. or more.I don't know Tom, i've seen quite a few city cops in Lawrecne, that are HOT.

craigers 6 years, 9 months ago

Easy_Does_It, is our DNA in the gas particles??? Horatio: I will get you stinky. I will get you. (Camera pans out to his good side while his hands are on his hips.)

ontheotherhand 6 years, 9 months ago

Good one, Keith. I MUST dust off my old VHS of The Holy Grail. :)

Keith 6 years, 9 months ago

They edited out the rest of the story, he also said "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

hail2oldku 6 years, 9 months ago

Monte Python, finger pulling and crop dusting.............You people are like butter today.

craigers 6 years, 9 months ago

Now can this really be considered battery? I think the only way battery is proved in this case is if the man sharted!!

bombshell 6 years, 9 months ago

So, each time my boyfriend farts in bed at night - should I call police and charge him with domestic battery?And what if he uses a blanket and creates a "dutch oven" - is that assault and battery with a weapon?..... on second thought, if he dutch oven'ed me, I'd get him back with the whole "an eye for an eye" and dutch oven him right back the next night after a large beany dinner... but would I be looking at jailtime for that?

JayCat_67 6 years, 9 months ago

Darn it Keith, you wiper of other people's bottoms, you beat me to it!

bombshell 6 years, 9 months ago

haha, I just saw PapaB's post... glad to see we're on the same page..

bangaranggerg 6 years, 9 months ago

"You have the right to remain silent but deadly".. Hooo- HAH!

tangential_reasoners_anonymous 6 years, 9 months ago

"He was also charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction."Isn't the premise that he was unobstructed?

bearded_gnome 6 years, 9 months ago

warning: Bombshell, if you do that, you'll be charged with first degree since it would be premeditated, with malice afore thought! so, be careful.*Way to make an @$$ out of yourself, Mr. Officer. I'm sure this will look really good on your record once its dismissed and you've become a laughingstock.---Jonaswell, jonas, not so sure about that...this was in West Virginia! officer parsons becomes a cult hero throughout the state? Boys dream of growing up to be just like him? he talks to classes in school. his picture appears on scratch-n-sniff posters. yeah.

Deja Coffin 6 years, 9 months ago

Now I finally have a threat to use against my husband. "Fart in the bedroom one more time and I'm calling the cops!" And my poor daughter, you think if my 4 year old rips one in Target they'll charge her as an adult? I'm surprised no one has commented on the fact that the gas not only "created contact of an insulting or provoking nature" Provoking? What'd it cause the cop to do? Pitch a tent?

jonas_opines 6 years, 9 months ago

Wow, what a precedent this would be. I think 70% of teenage boys would end up in juvie for this. Way to make an @$$ out of yourself, Mr. Officer. I'm sure this will look really good on your record once its dismissed and you've become a laughingstock.

classclown 6 years, 9 months ago

bombshell (Anonymous) says:And what if he uses a blanket and creates a "dutch oven" - is that assault and battery with a weapon?===============================Maybe assault and battery with a Silent But Deadly weapon.

Christine Anderson 6 years, 9 months ago

OMG, I haven't laughed so hard in years!Now, while it is true that all farts stink, some folks' are worse than others. My ex-spouse's were legendary.Toot, toot toot toot-toot toot!!!

Janet Lowther 6 years, 9 months ago

I expect officer Parsons will get razzed about his sensitive nose for years and years after this.Now that I think about it, Parson's story doesn't ring true: How on earth would someone who is handcuffed fan flatus towards him?

denak 6 years, 9 months ago

Just wondering how the officer is going to present the evidence in court. I wonder if he is going to whip out a jar and open it and display for the court the stench.Just curious.Dena

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