Dear Dr. Wes and Kelly: We are two girls, ages 15 and 16. Last spring there were a lot of girls who were pregnant in our school, and we didn’t want to be, so we decided to be on birth control pills. We didn’t want to tell our parents – that’s a whole other story. So we each went to different places to be checked and put on the pill. We were both really upset by the experience. We got what we came for, but they made us feel like we were doing something wrong, like we shouldn’t have been having sex. Shouldn’t people who are medical professionals be a little less judgmental and just be happy that we were trying to do something right for ourselves? Maybe that’s why those other girls got pregnant, if they were treated that way.

– Two sophomore girls

Wes: I understand and empathize with your frustration. You’ve raised some serious and worthwhile issues. This week we’ll discuss the incident with the professionals, and next week we’ll talk about the rising teen pregnancy rate. Kansas permits young people to seek birth control at any age without parental consent. The wisdom of that law may be arguable, but I believe it encourages teens to avoid unplanned pregnancies, which is paramount for their benefit and society’s. I’m sorry you and your friend felt you had to do this without parental support, but I am impressed that you made a responsible choice. Increasing numbers of young people aren’t. While you’re at it, you need to strongly consider the Gardasil shot for HPV. I hope the “whole other story” doesn’t prevent you from having that discussion with your parents. You’ll need their consent and their insurance information to get it.

I’m extremely disheartened that you had a bad experience in your quest. I too have gotten some bad reports, but usually I think prescribers really do appreciate teens that take contraception seriously. As adults we may not always be happy or comfortable with our patients’ decisions, but as healthcare providers we must meet their needs and support them in these matters. If we can’t remain objective, we should make this very clear before the patient enters our office. I think these providers should have given each of you a big pat on the back for your maturity and supported you in any way they could. That doesn’t mean we think it’s a great idea to have sex at 15 or 16. It just means that we should be able to take a step back and realize that we’re here to serve you – not the other way around.

If you went to a public clinic, I suggest each of you write a very diplomatic letter to the director and inform them of your experience. If you went to a private practice, I’d look for a different provider there or simply go somewhere else that’s more comfortable working with you on this issue, and that makes you feel comfortable. You’re right. Without that sort of relationship teenagers aren’t going to take the precautions you did.

Kelly: It’s unfortunate you had this bad experience. It must be hard to take that courageous step and then feel like your doing something wrong. Meanwhile, the television is plastered with advertisements about condoms and birth control and how it’s important to practice safe sex. It is a conflicting issue, but you made the right choice.

As you grow older, it’s inevitable that you will face adult decisions and responsibilities. You have already shown your maturity by choosing to practice safer sex. Teenagers tend to lose sight of such responsibility as they grow older, hence the rising teen pregnancy rate.

Those providers should have been more understanding. I doubt you were the first teenage clients they saw seeking birth control. If they had an issue with distributing birth control to you perhaps they should seek another area of practice. But do realize not all providers act this way. Most joined the medical field because they do want to make a difference. Don’t be discouraged from continuing to practice safe sex or encouraging your friends to do so.

As for not wanting to tell your parents, that is a bold move. Yes, you may feel as though they will judge you or be disappointed in your decisions. But that’s what parents do. It is there responsibility to prepare you. Have your parents talked to you about sex? Too often parents rely on the school to teach kids about sex. Keeping this “secret” from them can create a stressful situation. Obviously there is a trust issue that needs to be addressed with your parents. If you’re mature enough to seek birth control, you’re mature enough to talk to them rationally about it. Doing so will help you cope with the whole element of being confused or afraid.

Next week: We examine increased teen pregnancy rates.