Dear Dr. Wes and Kelly: My friends and I are planning a senior trip over spring break next year. Some of us are 18, and others are 17. Some of the parents are against it, and some are OK with it. We want to convince them that all our friends should be able to go. This is our last year together, and several of us are going out of state next fall. What tips can you give us?

Wes: I’m assuming you mean tips for getting the parents on board, not my personal travel log – though I like the Keys quite a bit. I’m glad you’re asking early enough for it to make a difference. Too often teens wait until February and are then upset when parents feel pressured for a decision. That never gets you any points with the folks.

You’re going to hit several snags. First of all, parents are far from uniform in their views of whether senior trips are acceptable. So you may have friends’ parents giving the thumbs-up and another saying “no way.” Do NOT try and pit the pro-parents against the con-parents by making them feel guilty for being stricter. This reduces the chances the con-parents will give in, and increase resentments if they do.

Another problem is the differences in age. Parents of 17-year-olds have a lot more to be concerned about than those with kids in the age of majority. Technically, parents can’t really forbid an 18-year-old from doing something they want to do, but they sure can make it difficult. Underage kids not only need to have parental permission, but oversight to be fully certain they aren’t caught up in some nightmarish child protective action. Your 17-year-old friends could easily be taken into custody by the police for no reason other than being underage and out-of-state without parental supervision. I am aware that many kids have done this and everything has come out just fine. But I’ve also been involved in situations where all hell broke loose and things turned very badly. So give this some thought before expecting 17-year-olds to sign up or their parents to sign-off.

Over the last few years, I’ve suggested that parents allow senior trips with an agreement that they go along. I realize this sounds like a huge bummer, but what I’m suggesting is that a group of adults tag along and just hang out while the seniors go about their business. The goal is to afford the seniors the same amount of supervision they’d receive if they were in Lawrence – except everyone moves the party south. Reports back indicate that this strategy has worked very well.

I also strongly recommend that seniors AVOID the standard spring break hot spots like Panama City and Fort Lauderdale. Even with parental oversight, these places are unwise for newly minted adults to hang out. I know that everything that happens in Padre happens here too, but it’s a lot more intense, concentrated and mind-blowing over spring break.

Finally, remember to consider costs. The economy is shaky. That might make things cheaper for you all around – but it might also make it harder to afford the trip. Don’t expect parents to pay the tab on your adventure – though that can be a good incentive to keep things within their comfort zone. These days the word “budget” is going to appear in a great many teen/parent conversations.

Kelly: Ah, spring break. While some kids are out with the family visiting relatives, others are taking their next body shot off a complete stranger. For parents, spring break is a nightmare. For kids, it’s a declaration of independence.

Year after year, thousands of oversexed young adults flee to the popular beach spots. It’s here that tourism skyrockets, and so does the underage drinking. So it is only natural for parents to have their reservations about unsupervised senior trips.

Yet I am going to have to side with the teenagers on this one. Too often I see parents preventing their children from amazing opportunities. What truly defines us as being “adults?” Is it when we turn 18? Or is it when the child was raised under a trusting environment, where their parents have instilled good morals and values? Let’s face it: Parents don’t want their children to grow up. They try to hold onto every chance they get to keep them closer to home. It’s not until they go off to college – notorious for its wild parties – that the ties to parents are shattered. Who is more likely to get drunk at this party – the preacher’s daughter who has been sheltered her whole life, or a child who was raised and learned how to be mature around alcohol?

I know it is your last chance to be together and your spring break will probably create some unforgettable memories. However, it is unlikely that all your friends will be able to attend. For those who do go on the trip, this is the ultimate chance to show your responsibility. First, make sure you give your parents all the information and numbers of who is going and where you will be staying. Second, expect to pay for the trip yourself. By doing so will show your parents that you are capable of being independent.

Kids must constantly prove themselves responsible. But how can we prove that when we aren’t given the opportunity to do so? How is it possible for us to learn from our mistakes, if our parents won’t let us take the chance?

Next week: Parents disagree on how to handle a gay child.