We’re well into May, but you’d never know it was a sweeps month from the state of things. Two more hours of “Deal or No Deal” (7 p.m., NBC)? Is this a bad dream?

Proof that a programmer’s heart still beats somewhere in the shambles of our prime-time universe can be found tonight on CBS. They’ve scheduled an odd but clever crossover version of “Two and Half Men” (8 p.m., CBS), created by the writers of the hit Thursday-night drama “CSI.”

Most of these sweeps crossovers used to make a certain kind of predictable sense. A story from “Law & Order” would bleed into the odd “Homicide”; or the gang from “Boy Meets World” would join the shenanigans on “Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.” But it takes a certain something to mingle the stories from America’s most depressingly vulgar comedy with the cutting-edge morbidity of “CSI.” On the other hand, the lead character on the forensics thriller is chummy with a dominatrix, and that seems to fit right in with the moral scheme of things on “Men.” And, at times, Charlie Sheen seems about as animated as a cadaver on a slab.

Besides, can anything they do to the “CSI” brand on “Men” be worse than the travesty of “CSI: Miami”?

The writers of “Two and a Half Men” will return the favor with their version of Thursday night’s “CSI.” Now we’re talking sweeps!

¢ Ryan O’Neal returns to “Bones” (7 p.m., Fox), where he plays Brennan’s father, now on trial for murder. The star of “Love Story” and “Barry Lyndon,” O’Neal is no stranger to the small screen.

In 1960, he appeared on “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis,” putting him in good company with Warren Beatty and Tuesday Weld, two notable “Dobie” vets. O’Neal’s most notable TV role was that of Rodney Harrington in that primordial TV prime-time soap “Peyton Place” from 1964 to 1966. His co-star was Mia Farrow. More recently, he appeared in the short-lived series “Miss Match” (2003) and “Bull” (2000).

¢ “American Experience” (8 p.m., PBS, check local listings, concludes Tuesday) offers a two-night, four-hour profile of President George H.W. Bush. Tonight’s segment covers his biography through his election in 1988. Tuesday’s half looks at his handling of the first Gulf War and discusses his presidential legacy.

Tonight’s other highlights

¢ Competition continues on “Dancing with the Stars” (7 p.m., ABC).

¢ “Celebrity Expose” (7 p.m., MyNetwork) profiles Mariah Carey.

¢ House convinces himself that his favorite soap star needs immediate medical attention on “House” (8 p.m., Fox).

¢ “The Billionaire Next Door: All Access” (8 p.m., CNBC) profiles investor and philanthropist Warren Buffett.

¢ Suspicion falls on Alexx’s son on “CSI: Miami” (9 p.m., CBS).

¢ Miguel Ferrer (“Crossing Jordan”) guest stars as a figure in one of Allison’s visions on “Medium” (9 p.m., NBC).

Cult choice

Imitated but never equaled, the great 1945 romance “I Know Where I’m Going” (11:30 p.m., TCM) stars Wendy Hiller as a headstrong woman off to Scotland to marry a rich older man only to be distracted by a handsome local (Roger Livesey) and enchanted by his land. It’s a five-part festival of films directed by Michael Powell.