Archive for Sunday, July 13, 2008

Talking with kids about divorce

July 13, 2008

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Perhaps you and your partner have tried to salvage your marriage, but you realize it's time to divorce. The step is difficult enough for adults. For children, the thought of seeing their mom and dad split up can be even more frightening and confusing. Their sense of stability can be shaken, their allegiances tested, their psyches scarred. How can you tell your children about a pending divorce in a healthy way? Try these five steps:

¢ Don't keep the fact that you're getting a divorce a secret from your children. They're smarter than you think and will realize soon that something is afoot.

¢ Don't wait until you're about to sign the divorce papers to tell them, either. Your kids need time to adjust to the reality that mom and dad won't be living in the same house anymore and will begin new, separate lives.

¢ Tell your kids about the divorce together. Mom, don't tell Johnny on the way to soccer practice, and, dad, don't tell Jane on the way to a ballet recital. Your children should hear from the two of you together that your marriage is ending and that will bring about changes.

¢ Keep the reasons for the divorce simple. Don't delve into past wrongs or grievances. Don't tell your children that the reason for your divorce is that dad or mom has found someone younger or better.

¢ Tell them that the divorce is upsetting, and it will be sad. They also need to know that despite that you love them and will always be their mom and dad.

Comments

pattib 6 years, 12 months ago

THE 2 YEAR ONGOING COURT APPEALWhen you get a divorce, be adults,be fair & try to do what is best for the kids. The kids need both parents. Don't try to brainwash the kids with nonsense to get them to want to come live with you. My brother got custody of his kids. The ex moved 5 hours away & gets the 3 kids every other weekend. She only came to 1 school event in over 2 years, the oldest 8th grade graduation. My brother owe's $40,000+ because the justice system lets a person file every silly thing that comes up & then appeal the split of the money. She is just evil & wants all the kids, all the money,him to not see the kids, but mostly him to be broke. That just hurts the kids.He is more than fair with her & I am very proud of him. She has said "we'll see how much money you have!" But when a parent tries to turn their kids against their own father, it is just sickening & will do damage to the kids that will affect them all their life. Hopefully when they are older, they will realyze that the court kept them with the father for the right reasons & understand the love he has for them. It is just sad that a parent will try to destroy a childs love for their father, because they are so hateful inside. Their should be a time limit & money limit on divorces, so their is fair & timely justice. Sometimes I wonder if this is more benefit to the attorneys & courts to drag this out. The family is the one paying the price financially & emotionally as this drags on.I don't understand what takes so long?

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