Wendy Molyneux finally has a platform to tell women what the media have been pussyfooting around for so many years: Everything is wrong with you.

That’s why Molyneux has assembled a book of faux advice. Her publishing debut, “Everything Is Wrong with You: The Modern Woman’s Guide to Finding Self Confidence Through Self Loathing,” hits shelves Tuesday.

“I’ve read all the women’s magazines; I’ve watched all the TV shows aimed toward women. I think I have a fluency with what they’re trying to make us nervous about,” says Molyneux, a former staff writer on “The Megan Mullally Show” and frequent contributor to hipster comedy site McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.

The 32-year-old humorist tells readers in the book’s intro, “The problem isn’t that you lack self-confidence; it’s that you have too much! You are sailing along, thinking that being a size-eight woman with a six-figure career is good enough. Meanwhile, a size-four woman with a seven-figure career is boning your husband and abducting your baby.”

An Indianapolis native currently based in Los Angeles (where she lives with husband Jeff Drake, a fellow writer and Jayhawk alum), Molyneux was eager to discuss with the Journal-World why every woman should face their “fears” with a sense of humor.

Q: To what kind of woman will this book appeal?

A: It would appeal to most women if they can get past the title and know that I’m joking. There really is a whole lot out there that is super negative toward women. Like every magazine – even though it’s rendered in brightly colored fonts and fun pictures – is really critical of women. Every woman has been exposed to the relentless onslaught of “get thinner, be prettier, maybe you’ll get a husband this way.” I think it will appeal to every woman who has ever picked up a women’s magazine.

Q: What percentage of the book offers actual real advice?

A: Zero. There is zero percent real advice.

Q: So there’s nothing you can realistically apply to your own life?

A: Here’s what I think you can apply to your own life: Have a (expletive) sense of humor about all the stuff that’s out there that tries to make you crazy. There’s a real tendency to take that stuff seriously. If somebody came to you every single day and said, “You’re from space.” Eventually, you’d be like, “Am I from space? Why do they keep telling me that?” If you pick up a women’s magazine a month for your entire adult life, you’d have somebody telling you, “You’re too fat; you’re not wearing the right makeup; you’re not eating the right food; your toes are weird; here’s that little reason why guys don’t like you.” The real thing you can take away from the book is it would be better to make fun of that stuff than to beat yourself up about it.

Q: Was any subject taboo for you?

A: Not really. I think I tried to make fun of the stuff that I’ve experienced or bought into a little bit. That’s what stopped some things that you might think were taboo to talk about from being taboo, like doing fake eating disorders that people could get. I’ve definitely been on 18,000 diets in my life, so that’s why I make fun of it.

Q: Is any section of the book your favorite?

A: I had the most fun writing the section about how to get smarter, just because it’s fun to write about things that people take very seriously like books and science – things that have verifiable facts. It’s fun to write them without having any information. You spend years trying to get that stuff right, and it’s amusing to write a book where you’re like, “Hmmm, I haven’t read that book, I’ll just make something up about it.”

Q: Any section prove more difficult than others to write?

A: Because I actually have zero capability with dealing with fashion, I had trouble even mocking it. If you have a basic framework for something, you know how to make fun of it. But when you know nothing, it’s harder. I literally send my sisters out to buy me clothes because I don’t know what matches.

Q: Did you expand on any material that you had previously submitted to McSweeney’s?

A: There are a couple things in there. There was the list of pickup lines used by serial killers (e.g. “If I said you had a beautiful body would you stop screaming?”), and how to tell if your doctor is coming on to you (e.g., “While giving you a pap smear, he ‘finds’ an engagement ring.”). Those were already published.

Q: How did you get into writing humor?

A: I thought I wanted to be an actress out of college, but I was never motivated to do it. Other people would be going out and getting head shots and meeting agents, and I was like, “Maybe somebody will call me and offer me an acting job.” I had a day job where I didn’t do much, so I started going online a lot. I found McSweeney’s and a couple other sites like that I really felt I could write for. So I started submitting, and the first thing I got accepted at McSweeney’s was a review of a new food. I think I reviewed a white chocolate Kit Kat bar. Just getting that one acceptance, I started really getting motivated in that direction.

Q: What’s the best advice you’ve received about writing?

A: Take notes. Even when I was at this promo job (at NBC) where I would write, “This week on ‘The Biggest Loser,'” my boss was talking about the difference between people he wants to work with and people he doesn’t want to work with. He said the people he wants to work with are people who can take criticism and get better. That’s the thing: to have a thick skin and be able to take notes. There are so many people out there who feel defeated the minute somebody doesn’t like something.

Q: Are your toes weird?

A: The one that I have is weird.