Paging an ugly woman. Please report with your microphone to Bristol, Conn.

ESPN needs you so its female reporters will stop looking bad.

They actually look good. But that’s a bad thing because we don’t give them the respect they deserve.

If you’re confused it’s understandable. I spent all day Monday pondering how to solve Erin Andrews’ latest career crisis. Not just hers, but every female broadcaster who is cursed by being attractive.

The solution is simple. ESPN should do the unthinkable and hire a woman who has been beaten with an ugly stick. Then it could better avoid having to put out statements like this:

“Erin is a tremendous reporter. She’s a prepared and a hard-working journalist, who is well respected and asks excellent questions. We’re proud to have her as an important part of our coverage team.”

That came after the latest babe-inspired blowup. Chicago columnist Mike Nadel critiqued Andrews’ attire and performance in the locker room before a Cubs game.

He basically said she was too chummy with the players, some of whom were mesmerized by all the leg Andrews was showing. It triggered an Internet brouhaha, which happens when a million men have downloaded photos of your reporter’s rear end.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Lou Piniella said when he saw Andrews. “Are you doing a baseball game today or a modeling assignment?”

Didn’t that once happen to Walter Cronkite?

Andrews had to defend her professionalism and credentials, which she’s been doing since her dancing days as a Dazzler at Florida basketball games a decade ago. In a strange coincidence, Cronkite was cut at Dazzler tryouts in 1934.

Seriously, I think Andrews does as fine a job as any male reporter ESPN trots out. The difference is many of them have the advantage of looking like John Clayton.

Far be it from me to critique any man’s appearance. But it’s safe to say nobody looks at Clayton and says, “If he wasn’t so good looking, he wouldn’t have a job,” much less than, “I think I’ll download a photo of his tush.”

People know Clayton got where he is based on superior reportorial skills, which should be all that matters in the information business.

Of course, TV is also in the entertainment business. And one thing hasn’t changed since the first Nielsen survey of cavemen – the male demographic prefers to be entertained by hot chicks.

No TV executive ever says that, of course. They just prove it with their hiring practices.

The worst you can say about ESPN’s female reporters is a few of them could sign up for Mike Golic’s NutriSystem weight-loss program. A few would be considered average looking at best.

But if you check the all-time ESPN roster you’ll see it’s dominated by the likes of Bonnie Bernstein, Jill Arrington, Melissa Stark, Tina Dixon, Sage Steele and Karie Ross. They could just as easily pass for Bond Girls as SportsCenter anchors.

Fair or not, that makes people question their credentials.

Surely there must be qualified female reporters working in small markets who also look like Beano Cook. Hiring a few of them wouldn’t stop all the leering and scrutiny Andrews endures.

But if ESPN wants people to believe it doesn’t hire based on looks, it should stop hiring only good-looking women.