Q: I am a mom who went back to work two years ago. The best part of the job is the flexibility. I work three days a week, and if one of my kids gets sick, I can switch days or just not work. I recently asked for a raise and was denied. I was pretty upset. She said, “I am not selling enough, and now is not the right time to ask.” Is there ever the right time to ask? No. I have brought a few clients in, but I have told her I don’t want to sell. She compliments me, but she doesn’t want to pay me. – Catherine

Dale: I hate to do it, but the World’s Most Annoying Advice is called for: Don’t take it personally. I know being turned down feels like a personal insult, but, hey, timing really does matter. Most people ask for a raise when they need money, but the right time to ask is when the business has money. Now, when sales perk up, you can go back and say, “Remember when we talked before :” Ideally, you can find ways to make your boss delighted to agree to a raise.

J.T.: Sounds impossible, but I knew a mom who was in a job-sharing position with another mom. Like you, their boss denied them a raise because the small business was only maintaining, not growing. One weekend they were together with their families for a barbecue. They sat commiserating about their jobs in front of their husbands, talking about all the business improvements their boss could make. Finally, one of the husbands (talk about brave!) said to the wives, “Have you proposed these things so that you could help your boss make more money?” The women berated the husband, gave him evil looks, and replied, “That’s his job!” To which the other husband said, “Yes, but you two could help him.” The wives realized that the husbands were right.

Dale: Talk about brave.

J.T.: They set a meeting with their boss and rolled out ideas. It took him a week, but when he regrouped with the co-workers and told them that one of the ideas really made sense and that if they were willing to implement it, he was willing to pay them more if it was successful. It worked, and they got paid more.

Dale: Great example, even though I’m guessing Catherine is thinking that her increasing business would mean selling, which is exactly what she doesn’t want to do. Fine. Instead, find ways to reduce costs. If a sentence like “If I did the packing and shipping, we’d save $400 a month” precedes a request for a $200 a month raise, it’s harder to say no than to say yes.