The athletes, the cheerleaders, the theater buffs and the yearbook club. Every middle school and high school has its cliques.

“You have the cliques that hang out together because they share certain interests; these students often help foster each other’s development and are usually not a problem,” says Rochelle Harris, clinical psychologist with Children’s Mercy Hospitals and Clinics. “Then you have the groups of kids who are actually excluding other kids and bullying; this is much more of a problem.

“The size of the school is a major variable of cliques. If you have a big school, there are more kids for a student to befriend, but if it’s a small school, there is a larger chance that a student can be excluded.”

Harris says cliques can affect each child differently.

“If your child has a great support system and a group of real good friends, then the clique they are excluded from may not be such a big deal,” she says. “That child is more interested in their tight group of friends to let it affect them.”

Harris offers these tips:

¢ Keep the lines of communication open: If you’re child opens up about his run in with a clique, listen. Don’t pressure him to talk about it.

¢ Don’t try to fix it without your child’s permission: Don’t call the school or the other students’ parents. As the parent, you need to respect her wishes to just listen and be there for her to talk to. She will let you know when she needs someone to intervene.

¢ When it’s time to step in: If your child is really miserable and it’s damaging his well-being, explain your concerns to your child, and contact your child’s school to discuss how to resolve the issue. Don’t try to resolve it yourself.

“When it’s genuine bullying, it’s not beneficial for the victim to try to stop it on her own,” Harris says. “The school needs to get involved, but how that is done needs to be very careful. If you crack down too hard, that child can be bullied even more.”