Q: I work for a health-insurance company. My benefits package is nice, my salary is $50,000 and my boss is flexible and understanding. But I have been keeping a secret for three years. I’m miserable! I really want to work in the nonprofit sector. I get more enjoyment from my volunteer activities than I do from my job. Should I just “get over it” and suffer it out for the sake of my family? – Stella

Dale: Years ago I did a study of people who’d changed careers, and with few exceptions, those who hesitated the longest learned this: Most of us make lousy martyrs. What I mean is that if you decide to stay in a job you loathe for the sake of your family, it will eventually make you resent your family as well as the job.

J.T.: The question is, are you really miserable enough that you need to make a sudden, dramatic change, or could you get creative instead? I recently worked with a woman who had a great job but who volunteered at a homeless mother’s shelter and had visions of leaving her job to run the program. However, she discovered it would pay a quarter of what she was making. I suggested she sit down with her boss and discuss a “trade” – instead of a raise, she’d train someone in the office to be her backup and teach at the shelter two mornings a week. What is great about this mix is that my client says she actually is relieved that she didn’t make the break and leave her profession entirely, because working at the shelter full time would have been too emotionally draining.

Dale: Early in my career, I was bored working for a market-research consulting firm and traded bonus money for a four-day workweek. That allowed me to write my first book. Then I started my own little consulting business, to have the freedom to write even more. Eventually, I was writing full time and discovered that I was less happy – my mind got smaller and my waist larger. So I, too, settled on a dual career.

J.T.: The surprise for many people who choose such a route is that they do each job better, and each makes them appreciate the other. So, Stella, there’s no need to choose between income and sanity – you can have both.