Dr. Wes & Julia: I’m 14 years old, and I usually never find myself going to bed before midnight. Yes, I have really bad sleep habits and I always have, but with my competitive dance and cheerleading schedule, I don’t find myself getting home until 9:30 p.m. After finishing my homework, sometimes I eat a snack, chat online and talk on the phone for maybe a lot longer than a normal teenager should. Shouldn’t we keep up our social life? You only live once, right? But living that life, waking up always wishing you could just crash back in your bed, isn’t very fun either. Finding that balance is really hard, especially when people keep calling. This is hard to admit but it’s true, and I bet I’m not the only teenager staying up late, catching up on my social life. Even if I do take naps, no matter how long they are or how often I take them, I always feel more tired. Is this not normal, or am I just another crazy teenager?

– Freshman at South Junior High School

Dr. Wes: I’d say you’re a pretty normal teenager. But when it comes to sleep patterns, “normal” doesn’t equal “healthy.” What you’re describing is exactly what I see in my daily practice and what Julia finds among her peers. This desire to lengthen the day is nothing new. Once teens began to accumulate leisure time instead of working 14 hours a day on the farm or in a factory, we gained a new developmental period we called adolescence. After World War II, teens increasingly became focused on two things: education and social life, each tending to conflict with the other. From the ’50s to the ’90s, the primary means of communication among teens was the telephone, a technology that really didn’t change much for teens until the last 10 years. Oddly, few of us realized how much the affordable cell phone and Internet would affect the social lives of teenagers. It now seems so obvious. Once you pull the plug and can go anywhere with your personal communication device, you become free to talk forever to everyone. The decades-old cliche of teens tying up the phone lines was replaced with a totally unfettered communication system. Add to that high-speed Internet, and teens become virtual telecommunication hubs – day and night.

Unfortunately these technologies made parents as traditional guardians of the phone obsolete. Back in the dark ages of landline phones and the brontosaurus, our parents made rules that no one could call the house after 9 p.m., and kids were limited to maybe an hour per night on the phone. I’m not suggesting we resort to exactly those rules, but parents do have to get a lot more interested in their kids’ use of technology when it conflicts with study time, sleep time or meaningful real-world interaction. Kids as young as sixth or seventh grade are routinely staying up late at night chatting, texting, posting and talking on cell phones. As you so aptly note, that leaves us with a whole culture of tired teens.

Even though kids may take to the streets in protest, I would encourage parents to go back to 1977 and shut down the communication stations after lights out. This probably will require confiscating the phones and turning off the Internet, but most young people won’t self-regulate their devices until their early 20s. Since we go from where we start, it will help a great deal if parents begin such traditions on the day they activate the Internet or cell phone, rather than waiting until things get dicey. I’m also not a big fan of TVs and video games in bedrooms. If they’re never there to begin with, kids tend not to miss them. Sweet dreams start with reduced stimulation, and for that we need parental oversight.

Julia: I think the phrase “normal teenager” is an oxymoron. The very act of being a teenager is going through extremes to find out precisely who you are, what works and what doesn’t, thus kicking “normal” out of the question. Adolescence is a means to find a balance between those extremes in your life, but with ever-increasing opportunities and responsibilities popping up, it’s hard to limit your choices without regretting it later.

Like you said, you only live life once, so why not live it to the fullest? It’s been my experience that if I’m not busy, then I’m not happy. I’ve created some of my best papers, had some great conversations and truly reached my full potential in the wee hours of the morning. However, the flip side of this overly involved lifestyle is being exhausted, feeling unnecessarily obligated to stretch your time, and, in your case, replacing sleep with other important tasks.

The solution to your sleep problem is not limiting the number or kind of activities you do, just moderating how often and when you do them. Too much of a good thing will wear you out, and too little will leave you dissatisfied. Schedule times, be it a study hall or a day off, when you have no obligations so you can finish schoolwork and get to bed at a reasonable hour. Or, if you have no time off, limit your activities to two per day. Homework is inevitable, so maybe you could dance and do homework on Monday, and then do homework and socializing on Tuesday.

A highly involved life is routine for most teenagers (myself included), but in order to control each element of involvement and keep yourself healthy, time management is crucial. It may seem like teachers, coaches and friends think that they are your one and only obligation, but you are being more than generous with your time as it is. Look out for yourself first and foremost, and if you feel tired or too stressed, then hang up the phone, skip a practice or take a sick day. Being able to multitask and hold down many activities at once requires a healthy body, which includes diet and sleep. Don’t sacrifice your well-being to spare the feelings of your friends and teachers.

Next week: What do I say to my young pregnant friends?

– Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. Julia Davidson is a Bishop Seabury Academy junior. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about adolescent issues (limited to 200 words) to doubletake@ljworld.com. All correspondence is strictly confidential.