San Jose, Calif. ? If a first date is akin to kicking the tires of a sports coupe on a car lot, the second date is like taking your potential dream rig for a test drive.

At the risk of reducing dating to a visit to the auto mall, the second date is as important as that initial encounter in learning about the other person. While the first date is something of a sneak peek, a second date, free of jitters over making that great first impression, can reveal even more.

In a sense, it’s actually the real first date when it comes to determining how to proceed, dating experts say.

By date No. 2, it should be clear if you’re physically attracted to each other. You should have some idea of what you have in common as well as where you differ in terms of family values, career, personal goals and personality. You should also recognize the smell of a mismatch even when everything appears to be beautifully in sync.

Yasmeen Fatimah, a 40-year-old information technology program manager for Visa from San Jose, went out on a first date with a “well-educated, decent” man four months ago, but came home knowing they lacked chemistry, she says.

Because he was attentive and thoughtful, because they shared such interests as a passion for travel, she ignored her instincts and accepted a second invitation to a movie and dinner at a posh Palo Alto, Calif., eatery.

At the end of that date there was still no spark. He was “not a jerk,” like some of the men with whom she had shared an initial chemistry, she says, so she convinced herself to go hiking with him for a third date. The great outdoors did little to change her feelings, but she continued to go out with him. Eight more times. Fatimah finally threw in the towel.

“What I concluded, and what’s quite important to me, is feeling that chemistry,” Fatimah says of the relationship, which she acknowledges should have ended much sooner. “It’s more important to have similar interests and similar lives. But I never felt that chemistry, that physical attraction with him. I kind of avoided kissing him. The initial spark is important.”

Many daters crave that initial thrill, says Elina Furman, author of “Kiss and Run: The Single, Picky and Indecisive Girl’s Guide to Overcoming her Fear of Commitment” (Fireside Books, 2007, 256 pp., $13). They can become enthralled by endorphins, abuzz like a high schooler falling in love for the first time.

That brand of infatuation has inspired love songs and make-out sessions until 4 a.m., but it’s often just a facade. Falling in love is less about getting swept away than getting to know the person better, Furman says.

She salutes Fatimah’s willingness go out on a second date, even though chemistry was lacking. A follow-up date gives singles a chance to see if the first date was an anomaly. By going out with someone more than once, a clearer, fuller picture of the person develops.

Dismissing first impressions isn’t the answer, and singles shouldn’t use them as the only measuring stick when deciding on a second date.

“If they’re hesitant or more thoughtful in speech, or more circumspect, it may not make a good first impression,” she says, “But those qualities are good ones in a partner.”

In some ways, the second date counts more than the first, says Galen Buckwalter, the vice president for research and development at eHarmony. During the first date, the “superficial qualities tend to snag our attention, maybe more than is appropriate,” he says. “You really want to get the jitters out of your system. And when that’s taken care of, then you have a chance of seeing what the relationship’s really like.”

A second or third date allows singles to measure the sincerity of the other person, or identify “chinks in their armor,” Furman adds. As more information is revealed, a better decision can be made about whether another date is the way to go. Often, perennial daters come off as charming and disarming because they have perfected their patter, she adds. But a smooth operator is sometimes just that – a practiced, even chameleonic individual dedicated to the art of dating.

Once the first date is out of the way, a return engagement can give singles a chance to really learn who they’ve gone out with.

Zoheb Hooda, 22, a real estate analyst for Cisco, says that although we often put more emphasis on the first date, the “potential positive benefits” of a long-term relationship can’t always be determined after just one outing.

“People are more guarded on the first date,” Hooda says. “But on the second, you are more comfortable. You show more of yourself. You get their body language.”

Paying close attention to the fundamentals such as compatible energy levels or ambition will help determine if the other person is not just dating material but relationship material.

“The second date is just the beginning of really getting to know someone,” Buckwalter says. “You’ve gotten over the first hurdle – and this may be something that will take time to develop – so give yourself time to enjoy it.”