Q: I just got fired. I’m so sad and hurt, I can’t imagine looking for work right now. What makes this even more upsetting is that the job I was in was very stressful, yet I was sticking it out and doing my best, because I needed the money. It’s just not fair. – Abby

A: Dale: Stories like yours led me back to this paradox: It’s often harder to leave a bad job than a good one. The bad job gives you so much stress, with so little energy left over, that you can’t even contemplate a job search. Plus, your self-worth gets hammered along the way.

J.T.: Now that you’ve been set free, the challenge is to learn from the experience, without beating up on yourself. Many times, there isn’t really anything you could have done to change the outcome.

Dale: I’ve sat in on many sessions where managers discuss their employees and who to let go. Some are mechanics – managers working on the engine with no emotional involvement with the people concerned.

At the other extreme are the agonizers – those who manage via worrying. Often they are so inept at communicating with employees in words that they do so with pressure and other forms of bad management.

J.T.: Speaking of which, I had a client who got let go because the new manager pressured him to do things he felt were questionable. He found this manager’s style deceitful, but he was a loyal guy and carried on. He eventually got fired, and like you, was so shaken that he couldn’t motivate himself to apply for new jobs. I was able to persuade him that his former manager actually had done him a favor. While loyalty and an ethical approach to business were his professional strengths, he’d been in a situation where those strengths were working against him. There’s a saying, “There are no bad jobs or bad employees, just bad fits.” Keeping that in mind, he came to terms with the situation. And of course, he landed a new and better job.

Dale: I started to argue the “no bad jobs” claim, but then I reflected on having done a series on “The Worst Jobs in America,” and found that most were filled by people who relished them. So, Abby, you’ve been liberated from the wrong job. Now, just start each day of your search by picturing yourself looking back and laughing sadly at what you used to put up with.