I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but I’m convinced that 13 year-old girls are taking over the world.

Nonsense, you say? Then how else can you explain the shocking turn of events that occurred Wednesday night on Fox TV?

I’m referring, of course, to the ousting of 29-year-old Melinda Doolittle on “American Idol.”

I know what you’re thinking: “Oh no! Not another printed piece of ‘American Idol’ drivel! This is worse than Super Bowl hype.” Believe me, I take your point. But May is Older Americans Month, and I submit that, with Doolittle’s dismissal, we have witnessed the most blatant case of age discrimination this nation has ever seen.

Why, I’ve been asking myself, would the hands-down, most talented performer of the season have to forfeit her rightful place in the “Idol” finale to a 17-year-old girl in ringlets and a boy band wannabe with over-gelled hair?

And how can you explain the nine lives of Sanjaya, the cute but remarkably ungifted 17-year-old who made cut after cut on the strength of a toothy smile and ridiculously coifed locks?

Thirteen-year-old girls, that’s how.

These people are organized, motivated and refuse to be denied. Go to any suburban mall in the country and see what I mean. Small but orderly mobs of 13-year-old girls are everywhere. Study how they maneuver strategically from American Eagle to Claire’s to Abercrombie & Fitch, parting the sea of frightened mall walkers as they advance down the corridor in glittery tank tops and eye shadow.

Maintaining constant contact, they talk or text each other every 10 seconds – from the parking lot to the classroom to the locker hall – on pearly pink cell phones.

It is this uncanny ability for speed dialing and texting that changed the course of the No. 1 show on television and put a 29-year-old out to pasture. Who else but 13-year-old girls have the time, stamina and manual dexterity to spend two hours burning the phone lines and swinging the vote?

Still doubtful?

Consider 13-year-old Morgan Pozgar. Last month, Morgan bested 300 other competitors with a text message speed of 42 seconds for a 151-character phrase. (Her challenge was to text the first verse of “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” from “Mary Poppins” on an LG phone with QWERTY keyboard : whatever the heck that is.) Morgan’s blazing thumbs and spot-on spelling earned her the title of National Texting Champion and $25,000 in cash.

“I am so shocked right now. I send over 4,000 texts every month and can’t believe that I actually won the whole competition,” Morgan said in a statement. “Now I want to go shopping.”

That was no typo. She said four THOUSAND texts per month. I’d wager that 2,000 of those were votes for Sanjaya.

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against 13-year-old girls. I was one myself in 1968. Night after night, I’d lie on my bed, princess phone at the ready, attempting to “be the eighth caller for a chance to win two tickets to the Sonny and Cher concert Saturday night!”

Cursed by the limitations of a rotary dial, I never got through, but I persevered. With today’s technology, I can only imagine the tour de force I might have been.

To 13-year-old girls, 29 years of age might as well be 50. Melinda Doolittle probably reminded them more of their mothers than a real pop star like Pink. They couldn’t possibly imagine hanging a Melinda poster on their wall, or downloading her songs into their iPods.

Maybe I’m just bitter. Maybe the AARP membership card in my wallet makes me feel vulnerable and so “five minutes ago.”

Or maybe I feel guilty for not voting for Melinda, or any contestant for that matter, after reaching a busy signal the first time I called back in Season One.

Next year, it will be different. Next season, I’m going to give those 13-year-old girls a run for their money by voting for the best, most mature contestant on the “American Idol” stage. This time, I will persevere.

Now, if I could only find a 13-year-old girl to teach me how to text.