John: This week Dr. Wes and I reveal our list of the most underrated skills for teenagers.

The first on my list is financial planning. Politicians often debate the best way to inform teens of the risks and responsibilities associated with sex, driving and alcohol. But where is the initiative to educate our students on matters of money? When teens head off to college, their financial inexperience makes them prime targets for credit and loan companies. By the time they graduate, the average college student has four credit cards and $5,800 in credit card debt. With interest rates between 15 percent and 18 percent, they may spend decades paying it off, without even factoring in student loans and other debt.

Not everyone can pay for college out-of-pocket, but if you do take out loans, make sure you INVEST the money in tuition, room and board, etc., and not your social life. Too many college students squander their loans having fun. To avoid this scenario, design a realistic budget with your parents, setting aside a small portion for emergency funds and recreation. Avoid extravagant spring break trips, and pay your bills on time. Smart use of money and credit during college will be rewarded after graduation, when you will have more disposable income to spend (or invest) as you please.

Next is networking. America may claim to be a merit-based capitalist society, but the “good-old boy and girl” network is alive and well. That’s why knowing and meeting more people is such an important skill. For teens, a large network means more car rides, party invitations and homework help. For adults, it means more job opportunities, character references and insider advice. Even in the corporate world, who you know is often as important as who you are. For instance, this summer I’ll be working as an intern for a physics professor at Texas A&M. This opportunity was largely afforded to me because my father knew the persons in charge of the physics department. Employers are more inclined to hire friends of their well-liked employees because their stamp of approval signals you may have the same qualities.

Whenever you find yourself in an unknown crowd, shake hands and introduce yourself. Most people like to know they are interesting, and even a short discussion can build trust between you and others. Also make sure to build your “emotional bank account,” as Steven Covey put it, by checking in frequently. Dropping a compliment, remembering birthdays – these are the types of actions that can put you on the short path of effective networking.

Dr. Wes: I’ll begin with the opposite of something that is way over-rated: popularity. Popularity – defined as “appealing to or appreciated by a wide range of people” – is one of the least helpful things teens can pursue or have thrust upon them. I strongly agree with John’s points on networking. However, I suggest you never consider networking contacts as real friends – unless they meet some higher criteria.

While being unpopular isn’t much fun either, the coveted value of being something to everyone isn’t much better. Thus, I think one of the most underrated skills for teenagers is to get along with a wide range of people while seeking real friendship in very small numbers. Finding a couple of best friends is really the key to happy adolescence.

As with most of the good stuff, I didn’t learn this by reading research or a good book on teens, but by working with them for 14 years. The ones who are happiest are rarely the ones who are popular because they tend to confuse networking with real loyalty, caring and concern. The happy ones have a special best friend or two with whom they can share their most intimate thoughts, fears, hopes and dreams. In fact, I had breakfast with my high school best friend Saturday. We still keep in touch regularly, and it has been a rewarding friendship for 30 years.

Granted, I’ve seen BFFs go south on many occasions, with painful and dismal outcomes – especially in the transition period from seventh to 10th grade, as some kids drift apart and develop some adaptive but unfortunate superficiality. As a result, I think parents often get too worried when kids have a small group of friends, rather than embracing the closeness of small social circles. By the mid-teens this closeness may come from a romantic relationship, which really gets parents worried. In some cases tight friendships (or romances) are a terrific and endearing situation. In others they seem to limit a young person’s normal experience in variety of perspectives and personality. For me the defining variable is whether close friends or romantic partners limit other friendships or encourage healthy socialization. The former is a problem; the latter a supportive base from which to explore.

Second on my list would be self-reflection. I realize this is basically a developmental obstacle for teens – that they are not really designed to be self-reflective. I also know that some young people are TOO self-reflective. to the point of self-loathing. However, on average, the ability to accurately and seriously examine yourself, your motives, the way you are perceived by others and what you believe about the hundreds of issues you face today is a powerful attribute. While you won’t master it until adulthood, taking time to think these things through offers an incredible advantage over your peers as you approach adulthood. Developing this skill usually means dialogue with others – family, the above-mentioned best friend, etc. It can also mean keeping a diary or even talking things out with yourself while cruising around town or sitting alone on the beach. It sounds like a cliche, but getting to know yourself is crucial in getting to know anyone else.

Next week: Diet, dieting and mood: what’s helpful and what’s not.

– Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. John Murray is a Free State High School senior. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about adolescent issues to doubletake@ljworld.com. All correspondence is strictly confidential.