Q: Dear Dr. Wes and John: Last year I struggled to complete and turn in my assignments. This semester I began taking a new medication for ADHD, which has helped me complete assignments. Recently we have been informed there will be a pizza party for all students who complete and turn in all of their assignments. Today the money for the pizza was due, but when I tried to turn it in, my teacher told me I had not completed science. Puzzled, I left. I could have sworn I turned this in. The party was not what bothered me. It was the fact that my teachers didn’t notice how well I’ve been doing. Before they would get on my back abut missing assignments. But ever since I became successful, they don’t notice. How can I notify them about this in a way that isn’t snooty?

– Disappointed Teen

A: Dr. Wes: Nothing is more frustrating than struggling against a difficult obstacle, succeeding and then having everyone ignore your achievement, especially those who were pressing for the change. I’ve seen this with parents, teachers, boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives. People tend to believe that if they expect a reasonable change, then they needn’t get too excited when it occurs. But this isn’t the way things work. Kids – especially those with ADHD or another learning problem – need ongoing encouragement and reward to keep up their motivation. Simply put, you probably need the pizza MORE than the kids who find school easy to manage.

Unfortunately, you’re facing a larger problem in our educational system. Teachers today are quite overburdened. Our local, state and federal governments are all on THEIR backs, demanding that they literally do more, faster, with fewer resources, lower pay and more students per class. If they ever get a pizza party, it’s a mighty cool day indeed. I see my share of educators and their families, and it is an extremely stressful and frustrating profession right now.

This leads many teachers essentially to run from one fire to the next trying to keep things functioning. They saw your fire (poor school performance), and now they’re happy that it’s out. Time to move on to the next big thing. While this doesn’t excuse a lack of congratulations, it may explain it. If I were you, I’d drop in after school and tell your teachers in a kind way exactly what you’ve written here – that, pizza or no pizza, you’d like to be recognized for your efforts. And be sure to tell them that you value their opinion of you. That alone might make their day.

I’ve suggested to many parents that they reward their kid’s effort (time studying) rather than the result (grades). This usually generates more effort, which ultimately produces better results. Unfortunately, as you’ve found out, it’s hard to get schools to make that kind of conversion for one simple reasons: Effort is a lot harder to measure than outcomes, and the U.S. Department of Education is basically after the big numbers on those standardized tests you just took.

That said, I’d be the first to drop a pizza gift card off at your doorstep. Keep up the good work.

John: As Lawrence Kohlberg said, recognition is one of the prime wants for humans. What you are looking for is trust and respect from your family and community, who have long considered you an underachiever. However, this takes a long time to build, and they probably suspect you’ll fall back into your old ways. It’s not your fault you had a medical disorder preventing you from being organized, but such subtlety is missed among the general population, instead becoming yet another reason to judge others.

Here are some ways you can call attention to your hard work. Try to do well on group assignments and oral reports, which are often the most attention-garnering assignments. Ask your teachers regularly what assignments you’re missing, providing them an opportunity to comment on your improving performance. You also may need a clearer goal. If your parents and teachers have set a vague standard for you, such as “completing and submitting assignments in an adequate and timely manner,” try making this more specific, like getting a certain GPA. That way, there will be no argument when you cross the threshold.

I admire you for taking the effort to solve not one, but two problems. However, based on the fact that you forgot to turn in a science project, you’re not out of the woods yet. Experiment with organizational systems. Write everything down, having one folder for all your classes, and use assignment books. Try time-management software on your computer or, better yet, get a PDA. Say you are researching online to write a paper and you have a sports practice to go to in 10 minutes. The software will pop up a message reminding you to get ready. My father swears by it.

Finally, I’d like to mention to all parents that even though we pretend not to care, we teenagers really do want your approval. It helps us develop and provides a positive incentive. You can make us really happy by telling us what we are doing right.

Next week: The sex talk. There’s no reason for parents (or teens) to run and hide.

– Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. John Murray is a Free State High School senior. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about adolescent issues to doubletake@ljworld.com. All correspondence is strictly confidential.