Dear Dr. Wes and John: My 15-year-old son has been struggling with homework since about eighth grade. We have tried everything from strict to lenient schedules, tutors to counseling, and nothing seems to get him interested in making the grade. We have tried to explain to him the importance of good grades for college, but he just doesn’t seem interested. Ever since a sixth-grade instructor told him grades were not important, he has been apathetic about them. He told me last evening that there is a definite disconnect, and he doesn’t know how to get past it. He also is concerned about not knowing what his interests are as a lot of his classmates seem to have direction and he doesn’t. I have suggested that he put thoughts of going to college or into the military aside for now, get a job and work for a while until he gets to a point where he has some direction. I have gone so far as to suggest he get his GED, go to work for four or five years, experience life first, and then rethink his direction. I really feel he needs to work it out differently than the mainstream. Am I on the right track, and are there any other specific ways to help him through this difficult time?

Dr. Wes: While we can’t say with certainty what may be causing your son’s problem, we can suggest ways to find out and offer a few generic suggestions to help him cope. Having worked with teens and adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) for many years, I would suggest you start by getting your son tested. The issues you are describing – lack of interest in school, low initiative, sense of “disconnect,” lack of direction or specific interests, etc. – represent a fairly classic pattern for young people with this disorder.

Unfortunately, many people still believe that ADHD is some kind of plot by psychologists or drug companies to tranquilize teenagers. Others think it is a behavior problem and kids just need to straighten up. Research proves again and again that neither is true. ADHD is a surprisingly debilitating disorder that typically goes well beyond not being able to pay attention. It affects nearly every aspect of development, from school and job performance to social and family life. Sadly, many of the ADHD kids have been told useless – and sometimes bizarre or hurtful – things by school staff. These can include comments from the benign – saying the child “would just do fine if he would apply himself” – to the damaging – he’s just “lazy” or “slow.” The implication is that the child has some sort of character flaw, rather than a serious learning disability that, if addressed, might actually allow him to reach higher and learn more.

I’ve seen it many times, and watching a young person begin treatment and go from D’s to A’s is one of the great joys of this profession. I suggest you take your son to someone who specializes in teenagers with ADHD and related problems. There are still a lot of mental health providers who don’t really “get” ADHD, and you need to see someone who can really talk the talk and walk the walk. If this isn’t the issue, a good provider will help you figure out what is.

As for your attempts to help your son, I really applaud you. You’ve done many superb things to keep him functioning. Your forethought about college is well-founded. Many young people simply are not ready for college at 18, and if your son does have ADHD, he may well need a few years to settle down and get his brain past its final developmental phase. For many of these young people, the military has been a godsend. It gives them structure and purpose like nothing else, so I wouldn’t rule that out. If he’s really interested, it could be the ticket. While our current military situation gives me pause in offering such advice, I still have found the service to be a viable alternative for kids like your son.

John: Given that you’ve tried many options and that the problem has been progressing for quite a while now, I doubt you will find a simple cause or solution. So the most important advice I can give you is to keep doing what you have been doing: patiently and systematically working through all your options.

Have you asked his teachers for their thoughts? It’s likely your son behaves differently at school than at home. They might be able to notice what interests him or turns him off about school. Make sure your son is involved with these talks. With his instructors in front of him, he might find it easier to discuss.

The teachers may have some alternative suggestions of their own. I’ll never forget my seventh-grade biology teacher, who noticed I was scoring poorly. He realized that I found the class too easy, and it was killing my desire to work at it. So he offered to give me private lessons in ninth-grade biology if I would catch up on the work I had missed. Instantly I felt reconnected with my class, and my grades improved, too.

Perhaps your teachers have some “kinetic learning” ideas of their own. Or perhaps they think your son should move on. Unlike many European countries, America lacks a high school equivalent of vo-tech and insists on modeling all its classrooms to an “academia” style of teaching and learning. But you might be surprised at the educational opportunities available outside of the classroom. At the very least, make sure your son has a job this summer. Earning money has a funny way of instilling responsibility in people who suddenly see the direct fruits of their labor. It also may give your son time to settle down and think about his long-term options, realizing that he is the one who must live with the consequences.

Next week: A teenage boy asks for help with anger control.

– Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. John Murray is a Free State High School senior. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about adolescent issues to doubletake@ljworld.com. All correspondence is strictly confidential.