You know an entertainment genre is in trouble when hybrids pop up. And I’m not talking about those high-mileage cars. Just what is “Pirate Master” (7 p.m., CBS) but an odd attempt to combine “Survivor” with the allure of a certain movie franchise? Like many mash-ups, it’s a mess.

Which brings us to “Fast Cars & Superstars” (7 p.m., ABC), a head-on collision between NASCAR mania and celebrity obsession. The seven-episode show features notable names from diverse backgrounds – folk singer Jewel, skater Tony Hawk, tennis star Serena Williams, NFL veteran John Elway, actor and plus-sized personality William Shatner and others – competing in fast, overpowered cars under the checkered flag.

In concept, this sounds like fun. It’s not. The celebrities, teamed with professional drivers, go through a series of elimination trials over the course of the series. Don’t go looking for a real race for some time. Meanwhile, we get close-up footage of Williams looking vaguely ill behind the wheel.

Williams appears to be driving like a snail in her first time trial. We’re later informed that her actual speed exceeded 110 miles per hour, but there’s no way of knowing that while watching her follow a pace car in the dark.

“Fast Cars” is not merely boring. It’s also loud. Everyone screams over engine noise, and the words they are shouting, like “Celebrity!” and “Superstar!” are hardly worth hearing.

Given the sporadic excitement and minimal commentary, the show might lend itself better to comic-book treatment. Hey, it works for “Heroes.” I’d love to see it re-imagined as a Japanese-style cartoon. Maybe this could be the “Speed Racer” remake we’ve all been waiting for. Cast Shatner in the title role, with Jewel as Trixie.

¢ By happy coincidence, viewers can choose between watching celebrities drive fast and gawking at civilians get tickets for doing the same thing on “Speeders” (7 p.m., Court), a new 14-episode half-hour series. As on “Cops,” the police are just reasonable guys doing their jobs, and the perpetrators are deceitful, abrasive or impaired. The first two cops featured here have a little flair. One said he did a little modeling. Another said he joined the force after running a menswear company. Perhaps he should get his own Bravo series: “Fashion Police!”

Tonight’s other highlights

¢ A science teacher falls into a deep freeze on the second-season premiere of the musical cartoon “Class of 3000” (6 p.m., Cartoon Network).

¢ The new girl in school (Lindsay Lohan) falls in with a cruel clique in the 2004 comedy “Mean Girls” (7 p.m., TNT).

¢ Liz settles for her loser boyfriend on “30 Rock” (7:30 p.m., NBC).

¢ Game 1 of the NBA finals (7:30 p.m., ABC).

¢ The top 20 emerge on “So You Think You Can Dance” (8 p.m., Fox).

¢ Amber Benson (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) guest stars as a vampire on “Supernatural” (8 p.m., CW).

¢ Mourning undoes Michael on “The Office” (8 p.m., NBC)

¢ Debra Messing portrays a scorned Hollywood woman in “Starter Wife” (8 p.m., USA, part 3 of 6).

¢ Jordan’s crisis deepens on “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” (9 p.m., NBC).