Q: When I met my husband, he owned his own business. I had another job, but I eventually came into his business. Now we are married, and I have all of these titles: secretary, A/P, A/R, customer service, interior design, courier, finisher, scheduler, problem-solver, digging him out of holes, and I also get yelled at all day by him. (I get paid only $8 an hour.) He’s fine at home, but as soon as he hits the shop door, he changes into a beast. The problem is that when I told him that I was quitting, he told me to pack up my stuff at the shop and our house and get out. We are going to have the shop for another five years and then retire. Should I wait it out or move on? The shop and house are mine, too. – Betty

J.T.: I must be honest and tell you upfront that I cannot give you a direct answer; however, I can ask you a couple of questions. First, if you were working at another company, where your boss wasn’t your husband, would you stay working there under these conditions? Second, what do you think it says about your belief in yourself and your abilities to allow yourself to be treated in this fashion?

Dale: Well, I’d say those questions are the answer and if not, here’s one: Get out. Start with the job, then decide about the marriage.

J.T.: They seem to be tied together, at least in the husband’s mind.

Dale: But which mind? We’re dealing with two personalities, boss and husband. What you need to do, Betty, is to find a marriage counselor to help plan your job-exit conversation. I’m picturing this happening on a weekend, maybe at a restaurant. Make the case to the husband about quitting the job. Do some research on salary.com and estimate what you could make elsewhere, which is probably double or more what you’re making now. Explain the benefits to the marriage and to your finances. See if the husband comes through for you and the marriage.

J.T.: But at some point, this is about you, Betty. How do you want to live your life? It’s time to create a blueprint for personal and professional success because there’s one thing I can guarantee – if you don’t take any action, things will not get better. We all are responsible for our own happiness. The time has come for you to take ownership of yours.

Dale: Agreed. If you don’t, it isn’t a matter of just holding on until retirement; it’s admitting that you’ve already retired from life as it should be lived, retired from any hope of a rewarding career.