Dear Dr. Wes and John: I’m sure this isn’t anything new, but it seems like lately there have been a lot of stories in the news about police officers and teachers and other officials acting very badly. This is in the national news and in local stories. A cop got convicted of looking up a teenage girl’s skirt. Some other officers didn’t do anything to help a pregnant woman while they were arresting her, and she miscarried. Teachers and administrators in several local districts have been in serious legal trouble. Now my kids are in junior high and high school, and they are basically saying there is no point in respecting the police or school personnel, and they think politics is a total joke. My kids are smart and aware, but it seems like they are getting cynical and I really don’t know what to do. I want them to trust the basic goodness of people, but when I try to tell them that, I feel kind of gullible and stupid.

Dr. Wes: Unfortunately, you’re correct. Cynicism is about as old as humanity itself. Yet, I’ve also found myself struggling more with this lately, as I see authority figures falling all over themselves to make bad decisions. I’m old enough to remember Watergate, the civil rights and antiwar protests and the Kent State shootings. Now, post-9/11, we see violent extremists on one hand and government officials all-too-ready to give up our civil liberties on the other. Just what the terrorists ordered. So maybe our frustration comes from the anxiety or our times. Or maybe we’re just seeing the world with different eyes now – as parents who want our children to feel secure and safe in it.

To that end, it’s comforting to talk with our kids about the sense of duty New York police and firefighters displayed as they entered the twin towers on 9/11 or to share stories of heroism by our soldiers in the field. We each know certain teachers who spend their lives as highly educated persons in poor-paying jobs, because they believe in what they do. Each of these folks goes against the grain of self-interest to serve a higher social purpose. We want our kids to find in themselves this same sense of mission so when they are standing face-to-face with difficulty, they will embrace courage and conviction.

But that isn’t the whole story, and to ignore that fact is to do our kids a disservice. Instead, I suggest taking a radically balanced view of human good and evil with young people. Don’t lump people or situations into the “evil” bin and others into the “good” bin. Instead, help kids learn HOW to trust others, HOW to consume human interplay, HOW to judge the character of people based on their behavior, not their job, color, age or perceived sense of authority; and when NOT to be trusting.

It’s a lot easier to say that all police officers are “Officer Friendly” and all sex offenders are “sick strangers,” but the truth is that each person has a capacity to help and to harm, to love and to hate, to humanize and dehumanize. And each of us chooses which way we’re going to go every day of our lives. That’s the nature of free will. Teach kids that a wise person does not generalize the bad behavior of a few officers to the police force in general, or the stellar conduct of one teacher to the entire faculty. This way they come to know people as individuals, not as negative or positive stereotypes. This is much less comforting than naÃivete or cynicism, but for our children, it’s a lot more helpful.

John: Whether it’s teachers, police, soldiers or priests, the media are always looking for dirt on people we trust. We repay the media by watching their programs and generating ad revenue. But we mustn’t judge a whole class of people based on the mistakes of a few. In fact, we should even avoid judging those we know are guilty. Many of the “Hester Prynnes” in our society have circumstances, such as family history, that we never hear about. Instead of seeking out the faults in others, we should focus on becoming the role models we wish to see.

Sometimes I imagine what would happen if Hollywood made a film about my worst moments. If the public were to discover all three of my sins, I’m not sure I could stand the humiliation. But why do we expect angelic coverage of our role models, whose lives are on camera 24/7? You never hear about the businesses that could have stolen money, but chose not to. But in the media world, one slip-up is enough to condemn a person, even a group of people, and a thousand good works will not redeem them.

As for the dismal state of politics, Americans have no one to blame but themselves. Surely our Senate Majority Leader makes more important decisions than Paris Hilton, yet how many of us know his name? When you ignore your elected officials, you release them from accountability. When you don’t read up on current events, you open yourself to manipulation. Each of us is now $30,000 in debt due to a bipartisan failure to control the national budget. Congress gets away with it because members know we don’t pay any attention. If Americans don’t like this, they need to turn their cynicism into action.

It’s often hard to obey an order you know is correct. It’s even tougher to obey one you hate. But we must respect our authorities, even when they make bad choices. Bashing our police force will not make them better officers. Instead, we must recognize the imperfections inherent in all human beings and save judgment for the jury.

Next week: A reader asks how to get her shy teens out of the house and into life.

– Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. John Murray is a Free State High School senior. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about adolescent issues to doubletake@ljworld.com. All correspondence is strictly confidential.