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Archive for Monday, January 29, 2007

A new trend: public proposals

January 29, 2007

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Forget candlelight dinners.

In the 21st century, nothing says romance like an intimate moment shared with millions of perfect strangers.

Just ask J.P., the anonymous blogger who says he has raised more than $70,000 in his quest to obtain Super Bowl ad time to propose to his girlfriend.

Or Ian Johnson, the Boise State University running back who proposed to his cheerleader girlfriend on national television, shortly after scoring the game-winning two-point conversion against Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl.

Or the six men popping the question in the February issue of Essence magazine.

"We're hearing about (public proposals) much more often," says Millie Martini Bratten, editor in chief of Brides magazine.

"I think part of it is that people do see a lot of it now, so the idea is out there, and then the bar is raised on, well, 'What will my proposal be like?' It's kind of competitive, to do something that will be talked about. And reality TV has made everybody a potential showman."

Among the elaborate proposals highlighted in the March-April issue of Brides: The man who proposed over an airplane intercom system, and the guy who took his girlfriend on a helicopter ride over a Maui beach upon which hundreds of coconuts spelled out the words, "Will you marry me, Natalie?"

Explanations for the interest in public proposals vary, with experts pointing to factors that include the rise of the extravagant wedding (Could the over-the-top proposal be far behind?) and the role of Internet sites such as YouTube in transforming private individuals into public performers.

"From a man's perspective, maybe the risk involved is appealing," adds David Klow, a marriage and family therapist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University.

Alternate California delegate Ben Kmetz, left, proposes to Jessica Hilgart during the Democratic National Convention in 2004.

Alternate California delegate Ben Kmetz, left, proposes to Jessica Hilgart during the Democratic National Convention in 2004.

"Certainly, the attention and the bigness of the proposal could be appealing. My guess is that (proposals have) gotten bigger and bigger and it would now take some pretty big spectacles in order to be the loudest, or the biggest, or the one with the biggest heart, or the one that loves their fiance the most."

J.P., whose Web site, mysuperproposal.com is subtitled, "The Most Public Declaration of Love in the History of Mankind," said the competition isn't a big issue for him.

"I don't see it as being personally applicable. This wasn't something where I jumped onboard saying I have to one-up everyone else, I have to make something better than someone else. It was more, this could be something really special and interesting and fun and something that we laugh about when we have kids."

He emphasized the romantic aspect of the public proposal, saying he sees parallels with old-fashioned courtship rituals involving the woman's family such as those played out in Jane Austen novels.

"So there's an element of publicity that's been removed by modern times and maybe this is taking it back, because you're not just asking for acceptance from one girl, you're asking for acceptance from a lot of people."

J.P., of Hendersonville, Tenn., says he isn't revealing his name because he doesn't want to ruin the surprise for his girlfriend. He has given up on fundraising, which fell short of the $2.5 million goal, he says, and is donating the money raised so far to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. He is now seeking a corporate sponsor for his 30-second Super Bowl ad.

Air Force Lt. Kerry Mackey, Jr., 24, of McGuire Air Force Base in New Jersey, who proposed to his girlfriend in Essence, says that he originally planned to propose with a traditional quiet dinner, but handing his beloved an advance copy of Essence on Christmas Eve was even better.

Garth Brooks proposed to fellow country music star Trisha Yearwood in front of 7,000 fans in 2005.

Garth Brooks proposed to fellow country music star Trisha Yearwood in front of 7,000 fans in 2005.

"I didn't want to take the significance out of 'This is how I'm feeling, and will you marry me?' But everybody was just overwhelmed by it and like, 'How did you do it?' I get those questions every day, still. (And) she loves telling the story," he says.

Among the possible downsides of the public proposal is public rejection. Internet videos of failed public proposals are being beginning to crop up on sites such as YouTube and Metacafe. and Both J.P. and Mackey both say they explored the marriage issue with their girlfriends privately before arranging the public event.

Public proposals aren't for everyone-some women aren't interested in, say, a particular sports event or they may just want an intimate evening for two. But Bratten at Brides magazine says that, in an age when 60 percent of couples live together before marrying, it makes sense that men are seeking a dramatic way to mark the beginning of a new stage of life.

"Doing something special is a little more challenging than it was before," she says.

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