State of the Union coverage needs initiative

The State of the Union address (8 p.m., ABC, CBS, Fox, NBC, PBS, MSNBC, Fox News) may not be as sexy as “Grey’s Anatomy” or pack the ratings wallop of “American Idol,” but I never miss it.

These speeches often boil down to laundry lists of proposals and promises. While most in the media concentrate on the big issues like war and peace, taxes, debt and the environment, I pay attention to the small-bore projects, the kind that get mentioned only in these speeches and then vanish from the national conversation. What ever happened to our mission to Mars? I seem to remember it in a State of the Union some years back, and I haven’t heard about it since. When are we going to Mars?

And while I am generally reluctant to make predictions, I can all but guarantee that somewhere in tonight’s speech the president will utter the words “Pell grants.” They always seem to come up.

Here are some other inelegant phrases you can look forward to. Look for: “discretionary spending” and the even sexier sobriquet “nonsecurity discretionary spending.” Things will be “earmarked.” Commissions will be commissioned, and they will be bipartisan. I’m fairly confident that initiatives will be initiated, and they will be initiated to a smattering of polite applause.

With a handful of networks, cable news stations, C-SPAN and roughly 5 billion bloggers following these things, you’d figure that someone would be keeping score. I propose that C-SPAN, Sci Fi and Comedy Central pool their talents to create a “Mystery Science Fiction 3000” of State of the Unions past and present. Rerun last year’s speech and provide commentary about the fate of past proposals. Whatever happened to funding for those hydrogen fuel cells? Did those initiatives initiate? Or were they nonstarters?

If this works out, perhaps other basic-cable networks could take a crack at it. Can you imagine if E!, Style and TV Guide covered the State of the Union? Picture Joan and Melissa Rivers loitering on the Capitol steps, buttonholing the powerful and screeching, “Dennis Hastert! What are you wearing?”

¢ While most of us think of our ancient ancestors as living a pretty low-tech lifestyle, the folks behind the new series “Ancient Discoveries” (8 p.m., History) beg to differ. They contend that ideas behind robots, skyscrapers, helicopters and other gadgets date back hundreds if not thousands of years.

Tonight’s hourlong installment focuses on the siege of Troy and some of the remarkably modern weapons and tactics employed in that struggle. Next week’s offering, “Ancient Cars and Planes,” documents a Chinese “wind car” from the sixth century that traveled at 30 miles per hour. Perhaps those ancient Chinese were waiting for the hydrogen fuel cell, too!

Tonight’s other highlights

¢ “American Idol” (7 p.m., Fox) holds auditions in Memphis, Tenn.

¢ Back from London, Rory finds that Lorelai has put Christmas on hold to await her return on “Gilmore Girls” (7 p.m., CW).

¢ UFO conspiracy buffs gather in “The Real Roswell” (8 p.m., National Geographic).

¢ Tara Reid plays a newlywed who learns that her new hubby (Kip Pardue) wants to speed up the “’til death” part of their vows in the 2003 thriller “Devil’s Pond” (8 p.m., Lifetime).