Tips for matchmakers

¢ Provide a big disclaimer to the parties being set up because chemistry is that great, unpredictable intangible, says Pepper Schwartz, a relationship adviser for perfectmatch.com and author of “Finding Your Perfect Match” (Perigree Books/2006). “You might present it as something that you’re offering. Tell them, ‘Kick the tires yourself. I am responsible for nothing more than putting it on the lot.'”

¢ The pair might share passions for rock climbing and Stravinsky, but do they share the same views about family, religion or public service? Common interests are important; shared values are fundamental, says Beth Wolff, a stay-at-home mom and amateur matchmaker from Los Altos, Calif.

¢ Once you’ve made the match, your job is done. Do not take it personally if things don’t work out. Do not become a messenger who passes info back and forth. You should not become a couple’s therapist.

¢ Choose wisely. Consider the potential fallout if the blind date ends badly. If you set up your best male friend with your best female friend and the date culminates in a fight with steak knives, don’t think the pre-existing relationships won’t be affected.

¢ Pick potential partners based on your friends’ criteria, not yours. You are choosing someone for them, not yourself.

Tips for those getting matched

¢ Tell your matchmaking friend about everything you are looking for in a partner, even if it’s something as superficial as nice teeth and good hair. “Don’t be shy,” says Helen Fisher, author of “Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love” (Henry Holt, 2004). “Now is your moment.”

¢ Matchmaking isn’t the magic bullet of dating. Think of it as just another, more choreographed opportunity to potentially meet your match.

¢ Give the person a chance. Humans are wired to make up their minds about someone within three minutes, Fisher says, “but it’s very possible to fall in love with somebody weeks or months later.”

¢ Don’t blame the matchmaker if it doesn’t work out. “The only thing you should be is grateful that they thought of you to put you together with someone they knew,” says Jeff Cohen, the dating expert for About.com and author of “Dating Inc.” (Adams Media). “It’s not their job to make it work.”