Even the worst new sitcom can be instructive in its own sad way. And “The Knights of Prosperity” (8 p.m., ABC) and “In Case of Emergency” (8:30 p.m., ABC) are among the worst.

For reasons unknown, “Emergency” has an odd resemblance to “Class,” the soon-to-expire CBS sitcom. Both comedies involve a contrived reunion of old classmates. And both kick off with a major player on the verge of suicide. Cue the laugh track.

Harry (Jonathan Silverman) is a sad and rather neurotic divorced man (not unlike Jon Cryer’s Alan on “Two and a Half Men”). He’s reduced to going to a massage-parlor prostitute, where he discovers that his “date” is Kelly (Kelly Hu), a promising genius from high school. Meanwhile, Jason (David Arquette) has a pistol to his head because he’s afraid to face prison for his Enron-like firm’s misdeeds. Classmate Sherman (Greg Germann) has become a Dr. Phil-like diet guru. But his dream world crashes in a slapstick series of events that I found unfunny.

These classmates come together because sad-sack Harry is the only person left in their lives they can call “in case of emergency” if stranded at the hospital or police lockup. The similarly dreadful sitcom “‘Til Death” makes a similar if grim point that marriage is really about having somebody to drive you to the hospital.

According to recent lore, “The Knights of Prosperity” was originally titled “Let’s Rob Jeff Goldblum” and then retitled “Let’s Rob Mick Jagger.” These two amusing titles summed up the show’s premise rather concisely. But it was changed to “Knights,” a title neither funny nor meaningful.

“Knights” stars Donal Logue as Eugene, a bored janitor who finds his life going nowhere. He catches an entertainment puff piece on Mick Jagger’s posh New York apartment and has a moment of clarity. His life would be better if he robbed Jagger and used the money to fund his dream to open a bar in Queens. He recruits a team of knuckleheads to help him realize his dream.

“Knights” borrows heavily from “My Name Is Earl.” Like Earl, Eugene has a TV-inspired epiphany. But while “Earl” presents an absurd and quixotic quest for redemption, “Knights” is more like a parody of “Ocean’s Eleven” put on by parodies of the Three Stooges.

“Knights” is nowhere near as dreadful and sad as “Emergency,” but both “comedies” exude contempt for regular guys. Both shows seem to say that if you are not a winner or a player, you are a loser. And if you a loser, you will turn to suicide, prostitution or crime to escape your “average” life.

Tonight’s other highlights

¢ “Wired Science” (7 p.m., PBS, check local listings) looks at meteor hunters and virus “harvests.”

¢ Matt’s Dad returns from Iraq on “Friday Night Lights” (7 p.m., NBC).

¢ Notre Dame and LSU clash in the Sugar Bowl (7 p.m., Fox).

¢ Opposites clash on the new season of “Beauty and the Geek” (7 p.m., CW).

¢ “American Masters” (8 p.m., PBS, check local listings) profiles photographer Annie Leibovitz.

¢ Allison and Ariel share dreams on “Medium” (9 p.m., NBC).

¢ Scheduled on “Primetime” (9 p.m., ABC): following authority.

¢ The knives are always out on “Top Chef” (9 p.m., Bravo).