Nine out of 10 new sitcoms are doomed to failure. Some are ahead of their time, while others are memorably dreadful. But the vast bulk of these stillborn offerings suffer from unoriginal plots, stale writing and a complete lack of cast chemistry.

That last sentence provides a perfect introduction to “Rules of Engagement” (8:30 p.m., CBS). How unoriginal is “Rules”? Well, it’s the second comedy this season to declare that a long-married couple makes a dowdy example for frisky young lovers. “‘Til Death” was the first to do so, and the fact that “‘Til Death” still lives is merely a quirk of network desperation.

“Rules” also wears its “Seinfeld” pedigree on its puffy sleeve. “Rules” stars Patrick Warburton, who played Elaine’s obtuse boyfriend Puddy as “Seinfeld” staggered through its last few mediocre seasons. “Rules” also lifts exterior shots of a New York City apartment building right from the sitcom about nothing. There’s also a conspicuous bicycle hanging from an apartment wall that looms large in tonight’s pilot. One half expects a pop-in from Kramer accompanied by a plucky jazz bass riff.

Here, Warburton plays Jeff, the glum husband of Audrey (Megyn Price). They’ve been married 12 years and are as rumpled and unchallenging as an old shoe. And like an old shoe, their marriage stinks.

Like Puddy, Jeff is too self-absorbed to be interesting, but he seems dimly aware and even perversely proud of his joyless domestication. He lacks the scheming aspirations of a Ralph Kramden or even a “King of Queens.” Jeff’s a neutered blob who likes playing softball, watching football and pretending to listen to his wife. If this sounds funny, then be my guest, enjoy “Rules.”

Oliver Hudson and Bianca Kajlich play Adam and Jennifer, the young, engaged couple in Jeff and Audrey’s orbit. Just why these young lovers hang out with 40-something duds is a mystery. As on “‘Til Death,” the young folks have little in common except their age and fairly mechanical sexual banter. At best, they are attractive, generic ciphers.

David Spade rounds out the cast as Russell, a confirmed bachelor who resents the fact that Adam has settled down. And while he makes vain efforts to play the player, you can tell he feels drawn to the dark force of domesticity.

It says something when Spade’s patented snark is the freshest and funniest thing on a brand-new sitcom. And what it says is that “Rules of Engagement” should not be around very long.

¢ During the build-up to the current war, a grim joke circulated in intelligence circles: “We know Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction because we still have the receipts.”

Tonight’s “American Experience” (8 p.m., PBS, check local listings) presentation “The Living Weapon” chronicles America’s decades-long secret effort to develop biological weapons, and later efforts to put this wicked genie back in the bottle.

Tonight’s other highlights

¢ T-Bag fends off unwanted attention on “Prison Break” (7 p.m., Fox).

¢ Hosts Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb offer a tuneful countdown of the best video-game sound tracks on “X-Play: The Musical” (7 p.m., G4).

¢ A snow day strands Chris on “Everybody Hates Chris” (7 p.m., CW).

¢ Death and football on “How I Met Your Mother” (7 p.m., CBS).

¢ A gear head and an Earth Mother trade spaces on “Wife Swap” (7 p.m., ABC).

¢ A kitchen catastrophe on “The Class” (7:30 p.m., CBS).

¢ Hiro’s family just doesn’t understand on “Heroes” (8 p.m., NBC).

¢ The Bauer family reunion continues on “24” (8 p.m., Fox).

¢ Fighting children out of control on “Supernanny” (8 p.m., ABC).

¢ Lynn falls for a man of the cloth on “Girlfriends” (8 p.m., CW).

¢ Winning for losing on “The Game” (8:30 p.m., CW).

¢ Hijackers seize weapons on “CSI: Miami” (9 p.m., CBS).

¢ Danny and Jordan remain above it all on “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” (9 p.m., NBC).

¢ Smiling people, famous for being famous, exchange vows before an altar of consumer vulgarity on “In Style Celebrity Weddings” (9 p.m., ABC).

¢ “Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations” (9 p.m., Travel) visits Los Angeles.

¢ Jay Leno hosts Clint Eastwood, Jennifer Hudson, John Waite and Alison Krauss on “The Tonight Show” (10:35 p.m., NBC).

¢ Donald Trump, Carrot Top and Radiant appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (11:05 a.m., ABC).