By all etiquette standards, no matter how young or old the recipient is, or whether the gift was from out of town or the relative was on hand to watch their gift be opened, a thank-you note is in order.

The presents are unwrapped, and the kids are playing with their new toys. But if you want Santa to think your kids are nice and not naughty next year, you might want to think about teaching them to send a thank-you note.

By all etiquette standards, no matter how young or old the recipient is, or whether the gift was from out of town or the relative was on hand to watch their gift be opened, a thank-you note is in order.

Cathy Corey, an etiquette expert who lives in Leawood, says it’s never too soon for children to start sending notes – even if an adult writes it on behalf of a newborn.

“I think it’s something you instill in a child at a very young age,” Corey says.

Corey is owner of a National League of Junior Cotillions franchise in Johnson County. She also offers an occasional etiquette dinner at Kansas University.

As for Corey’s children, before they could write or talk, she would write thank-you notes from them. Then when the kids were older, she gradually shifted the responsibility to them.

“The minute he could write anything, I’d have him sign” his name, Corey says of her son.

Elizabeth Ross, who works at Blue Dandelion in downtown Lawrence, says it was important to get her 3-year-old son into the habit early.

“I’ve always wanted to start my son off on the right foot in being thankful for his gifts,” Ross says. “My mother did it with me when I was little, and I wanted to pass that along.”

Get kids involved

But getting kids to write a thank-you note is no simple task.

“When your child is so little, it’s hard to get them to even say thank you, let alone write a card,” Ross says.

There are some easy ways to start younger writers on the habit. One option is fill-in-the-blank note cards that might be less overwhelming for children than writing out an entire note. Blanks are left, usually, for what the gift is, who sent it and how it is being enjoyed.

“Those are kind of cute for kids that are just learning how to write, because it’s still teaching them what to do,” Corey says.

Another way to entice children into cooperating is to let them decorate the card, says Janis Kliethermes, owner of Etiquette Kansas City.

“Give them a blank piece of paper and let them design it,” Kliethermes says. “Parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles – they love it because it’s personal.”

Ross has also found success with letting her son draw on the card.

“He really likes to draw a picture in it, which right now consists of some scribbling,” Ross says. “But I hope that his great-grandparents like to see the progress he’s making.”

Watch what you say

Both etiquette experts have a few tips on what to say in the note.

“The gift itself should always be mentioned. Don’t just say, ‘Thank you for the present,'” Corey says.

But there are also times to not be quite so specific. If a child receives money, the amount shouldn’t be mentioned, Kliethermes says. Instead, the note should say how the money will be used.

Both etiquette experts say sending a thank-you note is a must if the gift came from a relative out of town. But it’s also important to send a note to someone who was on hand to see the present opened. Sometimes, amid all the chaos of everyone opening presents at once, it’s hard to be sure whether your gift was acknowledged and appreciated, Kliethermes says.

“It’s still nice that once you get home, you get a thank-you note,” she says.

E-thanks

What about sending a thank you via e-mail?

Sending an e-mail thank you is not the preferred method, but it can be acceptable, depending on whom you ask.

“E-mail is absolutely unacceptable, and so is typing a letter,” Corey says. “It should always be handwritten on nice stationery.”

Kliethermes is not a proponent of an e-mailed thank you, either, but she says it’s better than nothing.

“A thank-you note is more personable, and I know that we’re in that day and age where everybody e-mails or text-messages,” Kliethermes says. “But (a note) just shows that you went out of your way and outside the box to show you appreciate” the gift.

If you must e-mail, she says, make sure to do so within a few days.

But even in the e-mail era, Kliethermes has hopes for the traditional thank-you note.

“Thank-you notes I don’t think will ever go out of style,” she says. “It really stands out, and it really shows that you’re appreciative.”