Archive for Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Thoughtful gifts can strengthen family ties

December 18, 2007

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Wes: This week we'll suggest a few twists on holiday gift ideas. I'll begin with a list of ideas for teens on what to get their parents. Because Christmas is not about cash, I've included ideas for any budget. These are light-hearted but practical gifts, in keeping with the spirit of a happy family holiday.

¢ Work. Rather than gather your last remaining coins for a parent present, I suggest giving a certificate for some unit of help around the house. If you are really creative, you could print up a coupon book of chores. If you're more daring, you could offer a certificate surrendering yourself for one day or two half-days slaving away at whatever task your parent assigns. Believe me, this gift will beat anything you could buy - especially if you specify working alongside your parents. That way you get work done and have some much valued bonding time.

¢ A framed picture of you and a letter of appreciation. This will cost you about $5. Nothing says "merry Christmas, I love you" like a picture of your happy face and a letter sharing your appreciation for your parents. While it's not possible to make such letters too sentimental, you should always keep them sincere. This gift will end up on your parents' dresser, with the letter carefully folded beneath, and will be a source of great joy after you're all grown up and out on your own.

¢ Dinner. If you have $20 to $35 to spend, take your parents out on the town - or at least for pizza buffet and a game of air hockey. This one is best done as a one-on-one/two outing. This way you get the aforementioned bonding time without all the hard work. Parents often complain that they don't get enough face time with their kids, so this gift will go over big. In fact, there's a 50/50 chance that when the check comes, your parent will actually pay it for you. The older you are, the more special this gift will be, especially as senior year draws near and parents begin to miss you.

¢ Send your parents away. This will probably take the combined budget of you and your siblings (and maybe your grandparents), but for about $120 you can send married parents to one of several nice hotels in Lawrence. This gift tells parents that you recognize their need for time out from parenting and that you value their relationship as the core of a well-functioning family. Pretty serious stuff, I know, but you can bet they'll be talking about it for years to come. By the way, it is not ethical gift-giving to do this in order to stage a secret party while they're gone. But it would make a good teen comedy film.

Julia: Here's my list of gifts for teenagers.

¢ Permission. If you think about how many times your teen asks you to do something, the number of times you've said "no" or "I'll think about it," and then those times your teen goes ahead and does it anyway, it adds up. I'm not saying give your children permission to be reckless drivers or let them try illegal drugs, but if they've been wanting to do something new - like traveling, taking lessons, dyeing their hair, getting a tasteful piercing - a parentally approved opportunity to take a chance can mean a lot.

¢ Privileges. This is sort of a toned-down version of permission. If you aren't comfortable saying yes to something your teen comes up with, opt for giving a privilege instead. These can be things like an extended curfew, less or different chores, more time on the computer, or whatever seems appropriate. Privileges are like little doses of freedom, so don't overdo them. But make sure there are guidelines so you don't feel blindsided if something goes wrong.

¢ Massages. I can't think of anyone who doesn't like and feel better after a massage. Teens are no exception. Based on the backpacks that teens lug around and the crippling posture necessary for doing homework, teens could use more massages than they're getting. A half-hour massage costs about as much as a nice haircut, and it can really improve recipients' back and neck muscles - not to mention their mood.

¢ A day off. Not everyone needs to be in critical condition to stay home from school. Some days teens just can't find it in themselves to go. A day off to finish homework or just chill out is a great gift. Awarding your teen one or two skip days out of the school year can be a huge relief to them and an easy option for you.

Next week: Christmas day reflections - remembering all the things we like about our kids.

Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. Julia Davidson is a Bishop Seabury Academy junior. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about

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  1. Ragingbear (anonymous) says…

    Remember, you need to buy your loved one's love. And take more Ritalin. Lots and lots of Ritalin because you have ADHD.