Denise Hobbs admits it will be difficult to have her daughter, Katelyn, go off to college – even if it’s just to Kansas University, only 10 minutes from home.

“I’m not one of those moms who is glad her daughter is leaving – I’d keep her around forever if I could,” Hobbs says. “Your family is just never the same once they leave and come back.”

Still, she’s not worried that much about herself. She’s more worried about how Katelyn’s departure will affect her 10-year-old daughter, Haley.

Haley and Katelyn are good friends. They go to each others’ sporting events. Katelyn does her little sister’s hair and buys her hip clothes. And the pair have a secret code of knocks through their shared bedroom wall – a way they can “talk” to each other even after Haley is supposed to be in bed.

“I’ll miss her and stuff,” Haley says, “because she did stuff with me all the time.”

Staying in touch

While many families are aware of the “empty nest syndrome” – what happens after children have left home – fewer talk about the “sibling empty nest.” It’s natural, say child psychologists, for younger siblings to feel a sense of loss when their older brothers or sisters move away.

“The goal isn’t to hurry up and cheer up,” says Yo Jackson, an associate professor of child psychology at KU. “The goal is to increase the attention we pay to each other in a family, and to care for each other. By and large, it’s a good sign in the family. You want people to miss you.”

The Hobbs family is expecting that.

They’ve got a plan in place. The parents will forward Haley’s weekly schedule to Katelyn at KU, in case she wants to attend her younger sister’s dance recitals, basketball games or concerts. They’ve also invited Haley to dinner on Sundays with as many friends as she wants to bring along, and to football tailgate parties on Saturdays.

“Since the day (Haley) was born, Katelyn was mother No. 2 and still is,” says Denise Hobbs. “They’ve been close forever.”

Haley helped her older sister buy a bedspread and pillows for her new room at Corbin Residence Hall.

As far as day-to-day contact, Haley and Katelyn realize it will be different when they’re no longer sharing bedrooms in the same hallway. Haley has been lobbying her parents for a cell phone. And she knows e-mail is an easy way to keep in touch.

“I’ll try to go to all her of her dance rehearsals and competitions and basketball games,” Katelyn says. “I’ll be 10 minutes away, if she call and wants something. It’ll just be different. I won’t be here 24/7.”

‘Difficult’ time

Lea Greenberg is bracing for the same change.

Her older brother, Benjy, is heading to Grinnell College in Iowa this fall. She’ll be a sophomore at Free State High School.

“I imagine it’s going to be difficult,” Lea Greenberg says. “When I look for his advice, I’m always afraid of what’s coming next. He’s three years ahead, so when I go to a new school, I’m always asking where to go, what teachers to avoid, what teachers to have.”

Her parents have purchased a new Web cam and program to help the siblings keep in touch.

“We get on each other’s nerves every once in a while, but we get along pretty well,” Benjy Greenberg says. “I know it’s going to be different, but I’m looking forward to it. It’ll be hard to deal with, but it’s necessary.”

‘Anger’ response

Kyle Broome has been through one of the more extreme cases of the “sibling empty nest.”

He’s from Olathe, and his brother, Kevin, left for college at Kansas State University in fall 2000.

Broome – now a 22-year-old senior at KU – remembers being best friends with his brother.

“We were very close,” Broome says. “We actually shared a bedroom together. We were an average middle-class family, but by choice we shared a bedroom.”

It was tough enough, but then in November of 2000, the brothers’ father died of a sudden heart attack. They stayed in contact after that, but Kyle Broome felt pressure to take care of his mother and younger sister, who was 11 at the time.

“I felt a little bit of anger toward my brother,” Broome says. “There was increased responsibility around the house with my family. With him being away, I felt overwhelmed.”

New time

Though the Broomes’ case is more intense than most families face, there’s no doubt the transition from high school to college can be difficult for younger siblings.

Jackson, the KU faculty member, says it’s important to pay attention to the younger siblings’ reaction as their older brother or sister goes off to school. She compares it to any change in the family, including a new baby.

For siblings who are close in age, it’s a good idea to include them in the college selection process, says Jackson, whose research includes child stress and resiliency.

“That way it’s more of a family experience,” she says, “than just my older brother or sister going through this with my parents.”

For families with a larger age gap between siblings, offering the younger sibling special treatment may be in order – even something simple like going to a movie or going out for ice cream.

Still, Jackson says, she realizes it may be difficult for parents to offer more to younger children when they’re dealing with a loss of their own.

“It’s hard for them to be available for kids,” she says. “It’s hard to think like a 7-year-old, or a 4-year-old.”

Wes Crenshaw, a family psychologist and director of Family Therapy Institute Midwest in Lawrence, says some younger siblings may have the attitude of, as he puts it, “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

But, he says, if a child’s change in attitude or behavior hasn’t changed by a few months after the older sibling leaves for school, it may be cause for concern.

“It isn’t so much about time as impact,” says Crenshaw, who also co-writes the “Double Take” column for the Journal-World. “If a kid is depressed and it doesn’t go away by Thanksgiving or something like that, you might want to have a therapist take a look at it.”

The departure of an older sibling isn’t usually the cause of a child’s depression, Crenshaw says. It’s usually a sign that the child didn’t have enough outside friendships to begin with, or that the family might have been too close.

Ready for change

The Hobbs family is hoping the transition goes as smoothly as possible.

Katelyn, the older sister, already is trying to ease any pain that might develop with her younger sister.

“I’ve definitely been trying in the past week, spending time with her and all that kind of stuff,” she says.

Haley, meanwhile, is trying to stay cool with the situation.

“I’ll kind of get used to it,” the 10-year-old says. “Maybe sometimes I won’t even remember she lived here.”