Dr. Wes: For the third time since its inception in fall 2004, we come to our annual end of an era in Double Take. This year it’s the John Murray era. As John leaves the column, he is, like so many of his peers, embarking on an entirely new journey – the one that ends in adulthood. For many, this involves leaving home, family and friends for a new and rather foreign environment and lifestyle. John will be heading to Texas A&M.

Yet even for those going just down the street to Naismith Drive or Jayhawk Boulevard, the world never will be quite the same. Each of us can relate to this great life transition because we’ve all been through it. As we watch our kids go, we can remember the mix of excitement, anxiety, freedom, daring and responsibility that will never quite exist in the same balance again. Only a few weeks ago, I found myself in western Kansas reliving the moment in August 1981 when I saw my hometown disappear in my rearview mirror. Twenty-six years later, it’s one of the most powerful memories of my life. Each of us has one. Our graduating seniors are about to make theirs.

For parents who are living this week on the other side of goodbye, this is a different but no less important experience. That moment when we find ourselves reflected in the rearview mirror reminds us of the remarkably short tenure we serve as parents of children, even as it introduces us to the far longer and more expansive role we fill as parents of adults. Knowing this, we can grieve what we lose and celebrate what we gain, recognizing that in the end, we all come out ahead when our children leave home successfully.

John has been a great colleague this year, and I’ve enjoyed watching him develop his writing. His closing column today is a fine example of that development. Each of us is really a compilation of all the experiences we’ve collected over the years, and of the experiences of those who’ve influenced, loved and cared for us. I hope that, somewhere down the road, we’ll see a little bit of John that is Double Take, just as each of our readers take with them a little bit of John.

John: I could not have produced this column without the contributions of a number of unsung heroes. First, the Lawrence Journal-World, which devoted precious space for more than 150 weeks straight. Second, Dr. Wes Crenshaw, who organized column topics and edited my work. Third, my friends, family and teachers, who supported me with their ideas and encouragement. Fourth, every person who has submitted a question or suggestion. And finally, my readers, who have sacrificed a little time each week to validate my work.

I started writing this column with the impression that I would teach readers the finer points of life. But the more I wrote, the more I realized this column was teaching me. It taught me the challenges of consistently writing a regular piece, and to appreciate the journalists who write every day. It taught me how to work creatively even when I didn’t have immediate inspiration. It reminded me never to judge another person by what I can see, because we all have secrets dictating our daily lives. The high school experience can be terrifying, so I’d like to close by reiterating two pieces of advice I wish I’d heard more often.

First, do not be overly worried about the future. I spent many high school nights asking where I was going to be in four years, when I should have been reviewing what I had to do tomorrow. If you can handle each week as it comes, the years will fall into place.

Second, don’t worry about what you will become. You were born with a deck of cards containing all your talents and natural abilities. In some areas, you might have a deuce; in others you have a queen. But all of us, if we look hard enough, have four aces in that deck.

The primary goal of your young adult life is to find those four aces. You’ll have plenty of time to develop your talents in adulthood; but for now, just look for your niche. Don’t be afraid to change your career outlook several times, or to pick a vocation others didn’t expect of you. You just have to find the career that is right for you and put your best efforts behind it. To paraphrase Martin Luther King Jr., “There’s no shame in being a street sweeper, if you sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures and Beethoven composed music.”

Next week: Double Take is off for our annual break. In two weeks, we welcome Julia Davidson’s first column.

– Dr. Wes Crenshaw is a board-certified family psychologist and director of the Family Therapy Institute Midwest. John Murray is a Free State High School senior. Opinions and advice given here are not meant as a substitute for psychological evaluation or therapy services. Send your questions about adolescent issues to doubletake@ljworld.com. All correspondence is strictly confidential.